The Lemonade Diet

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In 2005, my husband went on a ten-day detox. He ordered a book from the Internet, a little ten or twenty page guide, that described the steps for The Master Cleanse. The Master Cleanse is a very bizarre detox program that is also often referred to as "The Lemonade Diet." At first I imagined that I might be also be able to follow The Lemonade Diet detox--I imagined sipping cool glasses of fresh-squeezed lemonade on the porch, maybe with a sprig of lavender or a splash of cherry juice.

The name, however, is deceiving. Lemonade, as used to describe the stuff you drink on this detox, is a complete misnomer. Yes, there is lemon juice in the "lemonade" recipe and water, but the other two ingredients? Pure maple syrup and cayenne pepper. Perhaps you can imagine the flavor that is created by mixing lemon juice, pure maple syrup, and cayenne pepper. If you can't imagine the taste, it is probably better that way. Believe me. It's gross.

So, for ten days, Will drank at least two quarts of so-called lemonade per day. In addition, he drank a "salt water flush," which is the second component of this bizarre detox program. It consists of water and salt. Slice of Pink is far too classy a place to talk about the results of drinking one liter of salt water. Suffice it to say, the solution is indigestible.

My husband constantly amazes me with his resolve and willpower, but the determination it took to stick to a ten-day detox involving an unpalatable lemon-syrup-pepper concoction and a daily liter of salt water is pretty admirable (and, also, a little crazy, even he will admit). He mixed up big batches of the lemonade in a plastic bottle and carried it around all day, sipping on the beverage. Although he had eaten no solid food, by day three Will said that he wasn't hungry anymore. He had even recruited his cousin to the program, perhaps in an attempt to have a companion in the craziness (isn't it always better to have a sidekick when you are engaged in some nutty endeavor?).

Admittedly, I tried the detox. I drank a grand-total of three sips of salt water and three sips of the repulsive lemonade mixture. There was probably some dramatic gagging involved and I immediately declared that detoxing was so not for me.

And then I took myself out for a smoothie.

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Comments

[Hope]

I hope that this photo is amusing!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/hopers/4505993391/

[katelin]

this story of me and my cousin always makes me giggle.

http://www.prettysandyfeet.com/2008/12/bathtub-bandits.html

[lauren]

Really, it never gets old:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=he5fpsmH_2g

[Dana]

i tried dancing with the oldies when I was 10-so embarrassing. To this day when I hear some of the oldies i want to do the moves. I hate to tell people now but i did get in shape.
flyergal82 at yahoo dot com

[Karine Traverse]

This is a picture of my daughter "updating her FB status, tweeting and guest blogging at my blog" if she is this interested in the computer already, odds are she is going to follow in my footsteps.
http://i296.photobucket.com/albums/mm165/KandKsMama/Kayblogs.jpg

[Kerry]

This video makes me laugh so much! Maybe it's because I had twins myself, but this is adorable!:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yE6PNps5N9I

[Kerry]

tweeted: http://twitter.com/KerryBishop/status/25630664932

[Milissa]

I went on the one cup diet. You can eat anything thing you want as long as you only eat a one cup of it. So when I went to a restaurant, I would pull out my measuring cup when my food was served. I actually measured out one cup of the meal and asked for the rest in a to-go box. The servers and restaurant patrons must have had a good laugh at my strange diet.

[Emily N.]

I love this funny video clip from the show Community.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=02dbxYYcE1c

[Emily N.]

tweet
http://twitter.com/prizepuzzle/status/25744840904

[Elizabeth]

I have no funny stories,but here is my three year old son's favorite joke (also the only one he knows): Why should you be careful when it's raining cats and dogs? You might step in a poodle!

[janet]

One time I tried a diet of drinking straight up olive oil before meals. I don't recommend it!

[Wendy]

I did that lemonade drink and it kept making me SNEEZE! that's one way to get rid of toxins!

[momandsons]

My son almost scored a goal in his soccer game the only problem he was going the wrong way. A few minutes the opposssing team scored twice into our goal. I did not feel so bad after that.

[Ann]

When my son was younger, he overheard me talking to my doctor about lactose intolerance. One day, I was eating some burnt toast, and he yelled, "No, Mommy ... you are black toast intolerant!"

[AnaJana]

This gets better and better, each blog. I remember once on Atkins, back in the day when it was still new, making a "casserole" of a dozen hard-boiled eggs, mayonnaise, and bacon, and eating the whole thing. *cue alka-seltzer ad* Of course, my exercise of choice at the time? DISCO, baby, disco inferno!

And then real life settled in again, and it was on to the next one, and the next one. . . the only thing that really works for me is getting a good night's sleep every night, drinking plenty of water every day, and walking everywhere. Thus, I'm entering the contest, to help me save money for my next professional education step, one that will, with any luck at all, get me off night shift, out of my car, and on the road to health!

Thanks for the fun opportunity.

[LAMusing]

Due to medical reasons I couldn't exercize AT ALL for months. When I finally "suited up" for a walk it took me 30 minutes to dress/find the IPod/fill the fanny pack/find the shoes... and only 15 of walking to be whipped! LOL
adrianecoros(at)gmail(dot)com

[Norma]

I tried Weight Watchers back in the dinosaur age when you had to weigh each of your food portions - needless to say that didn't last long! Although I did enjoy the GIANT hot fudge sundae I'd treat myself to after each meeting :)
bingomamanorma(at)gmail(dot)com

[LAMusing]

Tweet! http://twitter.com/LAMusing/status/26148253360

[Deb Anderson]

The other day my brother-in-law was installing a new garbage disposal on my sister's sink. Finally he had to drag out the instructions. Of course we instantly started making fun of "a man who actually reads the instructions!"

He just grinned. I asked him if he ever stopped to ask for directions.

He said "Never. I have a GPS."

We had a good laugh. GPS - salvage for a man's pride! :)

[Jill H.]

In high school my best friend and I went on the ice cream diet where we ate nothing but ice cream for a week and believe it or not it worked, BUT we were only 16 then...duh!

[Jill H.]

Tweeted

http://twitter.com/jillyrh/status/26209228153

Thanks so much

[Debra F]

Anyone old enough to remember when Jazzercise was all the rage? We were looking through some old photos a few weeks back and came across a pic of me and my sister in our Jazzercise get ups - you know, the leotard, the head band, the leg warmers - and my 6 year old wanted to know why we had scarves wrapped around our legs!

[shel]

I was in high school when the Atkins Diet was "in"...nothing but protein. I took that to heart and would come home from school and make myself a steak...from a box of Filet Mignon my father had in the freezer. Boy was he angry when he found out I had consumed the entire box as "afternoon snacks".

[shel]

Tweeted:
http://twitter.com/auntiethesis/status/26223410185

[Shelly @ shellys bits and pieces]

I tried the cabbage soup diet while I was in college. Seems I'm allergic to cabbage! I found out the hard way when it gave me hives and made me throw up everytime I ate it that week. I have no idea why I kept eating it...but I wanted to lose weight...I ended up in the infirmary, dehydrated...but I did lose 15 lbs...the hard way!
bleatham*at*gmail.com

[Shelly @ shellys bits and pieces]

tweet
http://twitter.com/sleatham1/status/26242061983
bleatham*at*gmail.com

[Sharon]

My sister and I existed on TCBY rocky road frozen yogurt for a good part of one summer. We actually did lose a little weight. Not sure how long one could sustain such a diet though!

[Thienan]

Oh man, your story is so similar to my own! My husband and I did the master cleanse a few years ago and, sadly, I totally cheated at work! He would rough it through the entire day drinking his 10 ounces at a time, call me up miserably a few times a day so that we could commiserate "together," and then I'd have to put on a front at home and have the lemonade for dinner. Little did he know that I'd been stuffing my face with peanut butter sandwiches all day! I would seriously have to brush my teeth before going home after work each night, haha! To this day, I never let on that I was a cheater... :)

[Jenny]

I did a bagel diet in high school and lost weight. I had a bagel for breakfast, bagel for lunch and bagel for dinner. I know it seems crazy, but i lost weight! I was so full all the time that I didn't snack or eat anything else :)

[injaynesworld]

The "poverty and stress diet" is currently working for me. ;)

[injaynesworld]

Tweeted. http://twitter.com/Jayne_Martin

[Henria O.]

One day, a friend and I were eating lunch together and it happened to be pizza. We were talking and ended up laughing hard at something we were talking about and my friend's chunk of pizza (in her mouth) landed right on my knee!
sazzyfrazz at gmail dot com

[Natalie]

By far the funniest thing I've seen all week

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nc9xq-TVyHI

[PauleyD]

I work out every day. Probably the funniest, but also the most painful moment, was when I fell off of a moving treadmill.

The weirdest fad diet I ever followed was raw eggs and coffee (it was the 80’s, mind you). I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone with a strong gag reflex, lol.

pauleyd68 (at) yahoo (dot) com

[PauleyD]

tweet

http://twitter.com/lpauld68/status/26867828473

pauleyd68 (at) yahoo (dot) com

[jamie]

My husband and I were at a baseball game and since we were both dieting and that of course is almost impossible to do at a game so I convinced him that a box of Cracker Jacks weighs roughly 5 oz so we each eat the whole box we would only gain about 5 oz each then we agreed to stand up while we ate it because you know what they say "Zero calories if you stand while you eat!" We looked pretty dumb.

[jamie]

tweeted
http://twitter.com/#!/jjudy04/status/26994957143

[Mary Jenkins]

A friend and I once tried the champagne diet. I didn't lose weight, and my liver cramped a bit, but the diet was suprisingly easy to stick to!
quitecontrary1977@hotmail.com

[meeyeehere]

My sister told me something so funny at dinner one night that I laughed so hard a piece of chicken came out of my nose.I am laughing so hard just writing about it!!Man,good times
jacksoncrisman@yahoo.com

[Cris Richman]

I tried the cabbage diet and almost starved to death! ended up breaking the diet and gained 10 pounds in a week

truthhole@gmail.com