I Can Teach You: How to Hold a Baby So She Will Stop Crying (Usually)

{Today's professor is one of my dearest friends, Jen, who you might remember from here, here, here, and here. She's my up-for-anything friend and it's probably a good thing that we only became friends during our adulthood. Had we become friends before any modicum of responsibility set in we might have been writing this from jail. Or else we'd somehow be retired already and sipping cocktails on a tropical island. It might have gone either way.}

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This “how to” is for Aunt Janet and Uncle Will. When I first became an aunt I was terrified when my niece cried. Here is the method I use first when I am holding a fussy baby. It only works for babies three or four months or younger, but really, that is when they fuss the worst. Their tummies are a disaster for the first few months. When they are older than that, you can usually make them giggle or distract them to stop crying. The disclaimer to this is that I am in no way “a baby person.” Yes, I have two of my own and a couple of handfuls of nieces and nephews, but I was clueless about babies for most of my life. I will always choose a glass of wine with grown-ups over a session of tea party, and I still believe that my wardrobe should be more extensive than my one-year-old’s. That said, if you kindly offer to hold a baby, and then they start screaming the minute mom or dad is out of sight, try this:

If you are left-handed, use your left arm. If you are right-handed, use your right arm. Bend your arm at the elbow so that your palm is facing your stomach. Turn your hand so that your palm is facing the ceiling. Now, place the baby tummy-side down on your forearm. Their head should be directed toward your hand. They will turn their cheek out and let their limbs fall on either side of your arm. Pat their back, and they will usually calm down. At our house, we call it Lizard on a Limb. It sounds like it takes some balance, but babies are so light when they are small that it feels pretty natural.

Of course, the great thing about it not being your baby is that you can always find mom or dad and give the baby back to them. That works, too.

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I have seen the Lizard on a Limb in action and I can attest: it totally works!

Comments

[PomJob]

It does. My oldest nephew loooooved that pose. Swinging side to side in that position helps.

[RA]

Dude. I so needed this, as I am a total spazz when it comes to infants.

[Katharine]

Great tip! I'm defintely one of those people who has NO idea how to hold a baby... and who will give it back to mom and dad the second it starts crying. ;) I'll be trying this for sure!

[Allyson]

So what do I do when I have two 2-year-olds fighting over Buzz Lightyear, a 5-year-old throwing a tantrum because his older brother doesn't want to play with him, and a 10-year-old who is no help because all he wants to do is read? Does the Lizard work for that? Or should I just send them all to Aunt Jenny?

[Janet]

Allyson--the lizard on the limb is not gonna work for you. Send them to Aunt Jenny! OR, better yet, hire a babysitter who can handle yours + hers and take yourselves out for some well-deserved wine! I'd say wait for me, too, but that wouldn't be until August and I'm thinking you'll want some wine before then.

[jen]

I agree with Janet. Obviously we need to call the Shepardson babysitting coalition and go for facials. Sounds like your day was just like mine yesterday.