Slice of Pink

How!

Every few weeks I go over to McSweeney's and spend some time reading the latest features. I do not ever do this during class, because McSweeney's often makes me laugh out loud, or at least crack a smile, and the law is generally so serious that anything other than a face expressing thoughtfulness, somberness, or at least sheer boredom is a dead give away that you are on the www and not taking notes.

Today's Thanksgiving post is a good one. If you have worked with high schoolers or if you have a high schooler or if you were a high schooler, this should at least give you a grin. Unless you were the type of high schooler who didn't pay much attention in class and learned just enough to pass exams, in which case, this will be a nice overview of what you already know.

How Someone With an American Public-School Education Who Didn't Really Pay Much Attention in Class but Learned Just Enough to Pass Exams Imagines the First Thanksgiving.
By Matt Passet

PILGRIM: Happy First Thanksgiving. Thank you for having us to your tepee.

INDIAN: How!

(The INDIAN holds his hand in the air with his palm facing out.)

INDIAN: That means "Hello" in Indian.

PILGRIM: We came here on the Mayflower. It is that big ship over there. It has nothing to do with the Niña, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria. That is something else completely.

INDIAN: We are having a powwow; it is like a meeting.

(PILGRIM takes a bite of food.)

PILGRIM: This is good. What is it?

INDIAN: That is corn. It is also called maize.

PILGRIM: Yes, like a labyrinth.

INDIAN: (Mumbles something inaudible about David Bowie.)

PILGRIM: Thank you for introducing corn to me. This turkey is good, too.

INDIAN: We hunted it. We are hunters and gatherers.

PILGRIM: Excuse me one second; the buckle to my shoe has come undone.

(PILGRIM bends down and buckles his shoe.)

PILGRIM: This is a nice neighborhood.

INDIAN: It is called Plymouth Rock. It does not refer to one single rock. We are not eating dinner on some large rock sitting by the water, even though people might one day think that. We just moved here. We used to own Manhattan, but sold it for $24. They paid us in buttons and arrowheads.

PILGRIM: (Sarcastically.) Wow, $24! That, uh ... sounds like a good deal.

INDIAN: We have casinos and sell cheap cigarettes.

(INDIAN lights a peace pipe, adjusts his feather headdress.)

PILGRIM: I have a buckle on my hat, I think for no reason.

All Dressed Up

Just when I thought I was thoroughly out of things to write about, a package arrived in the mail from my mother-in-law. Inside the package was a fun little note and a dress for my wine.

That's right, a little pink dress for my wine to wear when she goes out at night.

The dress is quite versatile and, until the wine gets a night on the town, the Monin Caramel Syrup will be modeling the dress during morning coffee.

My mother-in-law and my wine, both fabulous.

A Few Good Things

I just opened my last box of frozen Thin Mints and it is not even May yet. It is tragic, really.

Happy odds, ends, and links:

Have y'all seen the new Moleskine City Guides?

My friend and fellow Book Lovah, Sara, started a new blog. Here's an excerpt from one of her first posts:

We will sit on my AstroTurf lawn under the flamingo lights, and the pink flamingo lawn decorations will complete the scene. Happiness. Pink Flamingo Happiness.

The pink. We do love the pink.

Over the weekend, I went to an Art Walk at the Brewery, the world's largest artist colony, located in downtown Los Angeles. We visited dozens of lofts and studios including the homes of Mike Pedersen, Meghan McMahon, Guillermo Bert, Christine Morla, Darrah Danielle, and, my favorite, Sean Sobczak who creates giant, lighted sea creatures. He should let me photograph his work, because his website does not do these amazing sculptures justice.

We also met Bruce Gray whose sculptures have been on all sorts of commercials, television shows, and feature films, from Austin Powers to Ally McBeal.

On Sunday, Will completed another triathlon, finishing 11th among the people in his age group. I'll post photos soon because it is always fun to see other people in tight spandex shorts. Right?

Finally, check out the Garden in Transit project from Portraits of Hope. Just lovely.

Red State Blue State

Using this site, I produced a map illustrating the states I have visited. They were originally red, but I changed them all to blue in Photoshop. I wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong idea.

Copycat

Often times, and especially when it is summer, I use the dining room table as a makeshift office. It's messy and looks tacky, but is so much cooler and much less secluded than being upstairs in the spare room.

Today, while checking out blogs at my dining room table office, I noticed that Chris over at Rude Cactus was using that fun little note-maker tool at Flickr to document the little spaces he inhabits.

I hadn't used Flickr in awhile, and had never used the note-maker tool, so I whipped out my camera right then and copied Mr. Cactus.

It's terribly unoriginal of me but awfully fun. Go on and take a peek.

Cookies, Crazy Socks, and Class

It is that dreadful time of year again. The time of year when I turn into a greedy, gluttonous, shifty addict. I hide out in my storage room to secretly indulge. I lie about my supply, claiming that I am all out of stock so that I won't have to share.

It is Girl Scout Cookie time.

I bought my first two boxes to help a student reach her sales goal; all subsequent boxes have been purchased out of sheer necessity. Addiction is a bad, bad thing.

My name is Janet Wallace and I am a Samoasaholic. Also, a Thinmintaholic. Oh, and a Dosidoaholic. I'm not so much into the Trefoils. Although, if you gave me a box of the Trefoils, I'd totally eat the whole box with hardly any complaints.

(Segue from cookies to crazy socks.)

I got a chain letter in the mail today. The last time I got a chain letter it was one of those recipe trees where I had to send a recipe to the top person on the list and I was supposed to get 1,300 recipes in return or something like that. It did not work. I think I got three recipes.

This chain is a crazy sock chain and I am honestly really excited about it. Apparently, if I send out one pair of crazy socks and six letters, I’ll get 36 crazy socks in return. I want 36 pairs of crazy socks. Waaaaant them. Neeeeeed them. We all need funky socks to "boost our outfits" as the chain letter states.

I am looking for a few good people to be a part of my chain. People who want crazy socks and are going to follow through on sending out the letters and sending out the socks, unlike the recipe tree people who did not close the deal. I need people who are organized! People who can follow instructions! People who can put stamps on envelopes! People who have the time go to Target and get a cute pair of stripey socks! I am once removed in the chain so not only do you have to be good, but your people have to be good.

I know you have good people; you know you want 36 pairs of crazy socks. Send me an email if you’re in.

(Segue from crazy socks to prom dresses.)

Last night, we received an automated phone call from the school informing us of the prom dress code. As chaperones, we need to know the prom dress code so we can enforce it at the door. Many of the kids had also received the call and we were reviewing the guidelines in class today. I reminded them that backless dresses, dresses with slits higher than mid-thigh, and keyhole or cutout style dresses were unacceptable. One girl, at hearing this, announced that she already had purchased a cutout dress, but then decided that it was no big deal—she would just wear a tank top underneath.

Cutout dresses, in case you, like I, didn’t realize the new trends in prom couture:

Teenagers have so much class, don't you think?

Boo

After seeing all the Halloween stuff out at Target, I dug around in the cupboard for a ceramic Jack O’ Lantern candy dish that Will could fill with candy and put in his office.

But, is it too soon for Halloween decorations? It is only the middle of September, after all, and I am still wearing skirts and tank tops.

Target apparently thinks it is okay because they have gone to town with Halloween all over the store. If Target says it is okay, it must be okay.

On the other hand, Costco already has Christmas stuff out and I know it is too soon to be putting up the tree. Do we really need Santa decorations and holiday wrapping paper before summer has even ended?

A Rawther Fantastique Interview

1. What is one of your favorite childhood memories? Making s'mores with dad!

2. What was one of your favorite childhood books, and why? I was, and am, "rawther" crazy about Eloise. Ooooooooooooo I absolutely love, love, love her! If you have not yet met Eloise, then buy the book for Lord's sake and CHARGE IT PLEASE!

3. Describe the most recent beautiful thing you saw. Once upon a time, I worked in politics and, still being friends with some politicians, I get invited to political events now and then. Last night I attended one such event which was held at a local winery. Two beautiful things from my evening: rows of lush grapevines (quite lovely) and all the free wine you could drink (now, that is beautiful).

4. Who was one of your teachers who had a big influence on you, what subject or grade did they teach officially, and what was it --official or unofficial -- that they taught you that especially influenced you? In 11th grade I took an Advanced Placement Art History course with Mrs. James. I am now an Art Historian. She was pretty damn influential.

5. Do you have favorite books you re-read from time to time, and if so, what are they? Every so often I re-read Human Wishes by Robert Hass. It is enchanting.

Thank you to Jill for the questions!

The Official Interview Game Rules
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.

Whip It

Will and I have been buying cans of whipped cream for the sole purpose of dispensing it directly into our mouths.

What are we, 14?

Leave a Message

Defective Yeti documented that, on 05-04-05, he still did not own a cell phone (in case, at some future point, there's a dispute about who exactly was the last person on Earth to acquire one).

If there is some sort of competition going on about who on earth will be the lone cell phone-less individual, I want it to be known that I, Janet Wallace of Slice of Pink, do not own a cell phone. You cannot contact me unless I am at home. And even then, I totally screen.

People have kinda caught on to the screening business. They say "Heeeellllooooo. Are you guys there? Pick up the phone if you are home!" And sometimes we are at home, just sitting there listening. And sometimes laughing. And occasionally rolling our eyes.

Sometimes we are actually not at home and people go on and on, thinking that we are. "I know you are there...Pick up the phone...Helllooo??? Are you there?"

People can just never tell. We are tricky like that.

Sometimes people call and, in the middle of their message, I decide I'll go ahead and pick up (especially if we are being invited to go drinking). And, sometimes, the person will get all offended and say, "What the hell? Are you screening?"

Yes, but I picked up for you, didn't I?

Count yourself among the lucky.

One at a Time, Please

Everybody goes through security at Denver International Airport. Everybody.