Slice of Pink

Grown-Up Grilled Cheese Party

April is Grilled Cheese month. I know this because my trusty sources, Hi Monkey! and LAist, told me. If you live in the Los Angeles area you can participate in Melt the Vote at Clementine, otherwise you should definitely host your own grilled cheese party.

If you want to get real fancy, send out invites like these from Real Simple, editing to note that it's a grown-up grilled cheese party. Or just call your friends up and tell them to come on over.

Choose four or five recipes and create a ballot for voting.

Add some gourmet potato chips and some good beer.

Voila! Grilled cheese party!

The Recipes:

+ The classic grilled cheese.

+ The classic grilled cheese made with an iron, by Hi Monkey!

+ A fancy grilled cheese sandwich with fig jam, basil, and goat cheese at Family Style Food.

+ Martha's favorite grilled cheese sandwich which is packed with chorizo, roasted red peppers, and saffron.

+ Simply Recipes has a grilled cheese with bacon and pear.

+ A sautéed jalapeño and aged jack grilled cheese at Chow.

+ This recipe at Food & Wine combines three of the world’s most popular sandwiches—bacon, lettuce and tomato; fried egg; and grilled cheese.

+ Mario Batali's grilled mozzarella sandwich calls for fresh thyme and nutmeg.

+ Whole Foods Market claims the ultimate grilled cheese.

+ The "Gossip Girl" $50 grilled cheese sandwich recipe.

+ A white cheddar and roasted pepper grilled cheese can be found at The Food Channel.

+ Honey-Basil Grilled Cheese from YumSugar.

There are plenty more fancy grilled cheese recipes available with a simple Google search and you can certainly make your own creations--or allow your guests to make their own fancy grilled cheese sandwiches by offering a variety of breads, cheeses, and fillings. I think Hi Monkey would approve.

Happy Grilled Cheese Month!

Spooning

From the San Francisco Chronicle this week: Spoonbread!

Strawberry Spoonbread with Strawberry-Rhubarb Compote

Green Garlic, Spring Onion & Gruyere Cheese Spoonbread

Asparagus & Herb Spoonbread with Feta Cheese

Roasted Poblano Pepper, Sweet Potato & Monterey Jack Spoonbread

Maple-Glazed Bacon Spoonbread

Contracts and Cupcakes

A few months ago, Michelle and I joking decided to open our own practice upon graduation from law school. Our business would be called "Contracts and Cupcakes" and you could come on down and get yourself a contract while enjoying a scrumptious cupcake and a tall glass of milk in our bakery-styled law firm. Because wouldn't that be so much more fun than getting a contract at a boring old law office where everyone is all stuffy and dull, wearing suits rather than polka-dotted aprons?

Today, we practiced our baking in a five-hour baking spectacular.

Michelle did most of the difficult tasks including working the cookie press and running the hand mixer.

I pressed the Reese's into the peanut butter cookies. You guys, I am seriously really good at those peanut butter cookies.

In the end, we decided it was all an awful lot of work. Plus, we ate about a million of the little treats. So now what we are thinking is this: Wine and Wills. You come on down and get yourself a will, we'll serve it up with a nice glass of pinot noir.

Baked Bliss

On Friday night, I attended one of the biggest law school events of the year--the annual auction. There was free wine and appetizers and a million items to bid on, ranging from the fabulous (gourmet meals, trips) to the bizarre (rubber band balls, body piercing). I drank a considerable amount of the free wine and bid on a few items here and there, although I was mostly outbid because I failed to keep track of the things I was bidding on, so as to check back before the bidding closed.

Although a majority of the auction items were donated by professors and local businesses, the club organizing the auction also solicited student donations--things like guitar lessons, a homemade pie, a break-up phone call, or dog sitting.

Michelle and I, best law school friends forever, decided that we would donate something together. In Civil Procedure we decided that the something would be a basket of baked goods. Four dozen sweet treats baked with love and tied with a pretty pink bow. I know. I know. What was I thinking?

The basket--the basket which is not currently in existence--went for over $30. The recipient has one month to redeem his certificate for this "basket of baked bliss"--we actually used that word, bliss, insinuating that not only would we bake up the goodies, but that they would be glorious and divine--and when he does, Michelle and I are gonna need to learn to bake up some bliss.

Just in time, the new Food Blog Search is available and I'm gonna type in "Bliss" and see what comes up.

How about you? Got any blissful bake sale recipes that don't require fancy things like chiffoning or ganaching or marzipaning? I mean, obviously, we will be making the peanut butter cup cups, but somehow I think we are going to need something more than a tube of cookie dough and a bag of Reese's to get out of this mess.

Friday Thrills and Fills

(cream clouds optional)

And, the gum? What?

Pass the Pleasure Around

I ate this delicious french toast over the weekend and, rather than just bragging about how delicious it was, I went out and found a similar recipe so you can make your own. That's the kind of friend I am.

This recipe hasn't been tested in the So Pink kitchen, because I can have it made for me for $7, but it seems like there are too few ingredients to really screw anything up. And, it's me talking so you know it's gotta be pretty simple, right?

Amaretto French Toast:
6 tablespoons Amaretto
1/2 cup Milk
4 Eggs, well beaten
Loaf of French Bread, sliced diagonally

In shallow bowl mix all ingredients except bread. Soak bread in mixture. In large skillet, melt some butter. Drain bread. Cook slices until both sides are golden brown. Serve immediately with Amaretto butter and Amaretto syrup (instructions after the jump). Garnish with sliced almonds, if desired.

Peanut Butter Cup Cups

I found a recipe over at The Pioneer Woman Cooks that requires only two ingredients: a tube of refrigerated cookie dough and a bag of candy.

Sounds like my kind of recipe.

The Pioneer Woman walks you through the process step-by-step with many beautiful photographs, but suffice it to say, you put some cookie dough into a mini muffin pan, you bake for 6 to 8 minutes (which is not, I repeat NOT, what the cookie package instructs you to do), and then you press in some little candies while the cookies are still hot from the oven.

Melty, peanut-buttery yumminess.

Also, I would like to point out that this is the first use of the deluxe mini muffin pan that I purchased drunk at a Pampered Chef party in July 2006. I lost the recipe book that came with the pan, but if the only thing the pan ever makes is these delicious cookies, IT WILL HAVE BEEN WORTH IT.

Even at Pampered Chef prices.

Stuffed: Or, How I Spent the Weekend

+ Eating garlic naan and girl scout cookie cake at the farmer's market, where we purchased zero fruits or vegetables.

+ Eating popcorn and drinking Coke while watching Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street with my friend, Michelle.

+ Eating a pita sandwich, a violet souffle, and drinking Armenian coffee at Café Méditerranée.

+ Eating meatballs, mac and cheese, and soft serve at Ikea.

+ Eating New York Cheesecake frozen yogurt with brownie bits, sprinkles, and strawberries.

+ Drinking half a bottle of Real Sangria.

I think I'm just gonna go and, I don't know, run about 18 miles now. Or maybe I'll just lie down for a minute.

Mint to Be

I'm not sure if I have mentioned it before, but I love me some peppermint. Like, I am truly, madly, deeply in love with the peppermint. The peppermint and I are totally making out behind the bleachers.

1. Fancy and delicious Rich Chocolate Cupcakes Filled with Chocolate-Mint Ganache topped with Mint Buttercream from the Cupcake Bakeshop
2. Peppermint Pie
3. Peppermint Parfaits
4. Trader Joe's Candy Cane Joe Joe's, if you can't wait for things to bake and chill

Also, Peppermintinis! Sprinkles Chocolate Peppermint Cupcake Mix! The easy peppermint cupcakes I like to bake up every year! Cat's Chocolate Peppermint Dreams! Chocolate peppermint dreams? That's exactly what I'm saying!

Oh, yum.

For the love of peppermint! Please immediately send your peppermint recipes to sliceofpink at gmail dot com. I'll make a peppermint webpage. Or I'll compile them into a pepperminty cookbook and send you a copy. Seriously.

I'm simply crazy for the peppermint. (Don't tell my husband).

Party Food

As an undergraduate student, parties were mainly about drinking and involved copious amounts of cheap vodka or cans of bad beer. Now that I'm older, much of the allure of that kind of partying is gone, in large part because I don't want to wake up on Saturday morning with the type of hangover that results from drinking bottom shelf vodka mixed with Sunny Delight.

I am back in school now, but for the first half of the semester I avoided attending parties because I just didn't want to go down that road again. However, for two weekends in a row, Will and I have attended the parties we have been invited to and, I have to say, college parties as a graduate student are much different than college parties as an undergraduate student. Now, the parties are about food. Alcohol, yes, but also food.

The Friday before last, we went to a wine and cheese party where there was wine and cheese. Obviously. But it was good wine and good cheese. And there was also olives and homemade tomato soup and edamame hummus and pumpkin cake.

On Friday, we went to an Oktoberfest party where there was German beer, brats, cabbage, homemade German potato salad, German cheese and other sorts of German foods. Somehow, our resourceful hostess had received money from the German consulate to pay for these treats. I have no idea why the German government would want to pay for thirty college students to drink beer and eat fancy hot dogs in an apartment in Davis, but why ask why?

Sure, it's still about the drinking these days. But it's not just about the drinking anymore. A person has to eat, too, right?

Tortalicious

Before law school, among other things, I briefly considered attending culinary school. The idea didn't last long because, the truth is, I know absolutely nothing about cooking or baking. The only recipes I can successfully pull off have Jello and Cool Whip as the main ingredients.

It's a funny thing. I didn't go to culinary school because I know nothing about being in a kitchen. I came to law school because I know so much about the law. For instance, I know that there are laws. And that we should abide by them. And, also, that some things are illegal. Like speeding. And killing people. Also, something about contracts? And wills?

I might as well have gone to culinary school.

Tomorrow is my first law school test. Somehow, I think that it would have been much easier to make a raspberry jam torte than to analyze intentional torts. At least it wouldn't have required any damn typing skills.

Burn, Baby, Burn

Over the weekend we purchased one of those refrigerated packs of pre-made cookie dough. Because we are especially lazy, we purchased the break-and-bake variety, the variety that consists of a large slab of dough perfectly perforated into twenty squares that you simply have to pull apart and place on a cookie tray. In ten minutes time, by the magic of some little elves or something, the little squares will have become round, chewy, delicious cookies.

In theory.

There seemed to be some confusion when we turned on the oven because there are two knobs that control the heat--one that reflects the temperature settings and one that allows the baker to choose between Bake, T. Bake, and Clean. We fiddled with the dials but it appeared that our oven was not working--the little indicator lights were not turning on and the dials didn't seem to turn correctly, but eventually the oven started to warm up so we stuck a whole batch of cookies in to bake and went to read on the couch. Or makeout. I can't remember which.

Although the cookies were supposed to take 10 minutes, within 5 minutes the cookies were burned black and the fire alarm was sounding.

I turned down the temperature and tried another batch. Burnt to a crisp.

I lamented the brokenness of the oven. Will, having given up on cookies, went back to reading.

I, having not given up on the cookies, put in a single cookie dough square for 3 minutes with the door ajar. Black.

I turned the oven off completely, let it cool, and put a dough square in. While that cookie baked at a rate that suggested that it would be ready sometime in October, I unsuccessfully scoured the Internet for the owner's manual. I almost gave up on the cookies entirely, deciding that I would just inform the apartment people that our oven was broken, when it occurred to me that the knobs? Perhaps they were switched. And they were. And I switched them. And the broken oven was fixed.

And we rejoiced because I had only self-cleaned two-thirds of the cookies.

One, Two, Three

My study group and I are sitting in the quad today when we all decide to take a trip inside to the vending machines, which offer typical vending machine fare: chips, cookies, candy bars, and some granola packet that, at 400 calories, only pretends to be a healthy alternative.

We are joking about the way students eat--the ramen, Oreos by the box--when my friend Shannon announces that she is on the "One, Two, Three" diet.

What is the One, Two, Three Diet you ask? Doesn't it sound so simple? It is!

You can eat anything you want on the One, Two, Three diet, but you can only spend one dollar on breakfast, two dollars on lunch, and three dollars on dinner. That's the diet.

There is one additional component to her diet worth noting--the free food component. On the Weight Watcher's program, foods are assigned points based on some magical mathematical formula. Beans are one point, a Big Mac is 14 points. There are also some zero point foods--carrots, cabbage--which are often referred to as "free foods."

On the One, Two, Three diet, however, the term "free foods" is more economical than caloric. Free foods refer to foods that are, well, free. Law school seems to be full of opportunities for free food--luncheons, weekly club meetings, various events sponsored by the student body or alumni. I think it is their way of keeping us locked in the law school building for long, grueling hours. We don't even need to leave to eat since there is always a pizza in the room or office next door.

There it is. One dollar for breakfast, two dollars for lunch, three dollars for dinner, and as much free stuff as you can get your hands on. Easy as one, two, three.

Banana Caramel Chocolate Spice Pie

While we were chatting on the phone a few weeks ago, Nicole told me that I had to make this pie. I was a little suspicious of the recipe because it called for white chocolate and bananas and cinnamon and Oreos and caramel and Cool Whip, which seems like a lot of weird flavors to mix all up in one little pie. But, if someone calls you from all the way across the Atlantic to chat, you do what they say. So I made the pie.

And, whoa! That was one damn good pie. Will said it was the best pie we ever made.

Nicole jokingly told me to put a British flag on the pie for her and I actually printed one out to glue on a little toothpick and stick in the pie. The flag is still in the printer but, alas, the pie has all been eaten. I'm lucky I even had time to take a photo before we polished off the last two slices. I'll just have to whip up another.

The recipe is after the jump.

Give Us S'more

We completed #31 on our summer fun list: make a marshmallow dessert. We originally chose this recipe for marshmallow pie until Will noticed that the pie had 3,600 calories. We chose a Kraft recipe instead, one that is far from calorie free, but at least they didn't post the nutritional information online.

The recipe, with photos, after the jump.

Pain Perdu

French toast lovers? Are you out there? Are you listening?

Will made some fabulous Mother's Day french toast from the The Big Book of Breakfast cookbook, a wonderful wedding gift we received from Stacey.

Here's the recipe in a nutshell: you make french toast in the traditional way--thick bread, eggs, milk--but before you place the eggy bread on the griddle, you coat it in crushed graham crackers (Will crushed in the Magic Bullet). French toast with a graham cracker crust! Yum!

We served it with berries and a creamy spread made from whipped cream cheese, powdered sugar, and a few drops of almond extract.

And, of course, mimosas.

Spreads Like Butter

I buy my peanut butter at Trader Joe's, which is where I do the majority of my grocery shopping. Trader Joe's peanut butter is delicious, but it requires refrigeration after opening. This cold peanut butter is practically unspreadable, ripping the bread when I try to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I find this highly aggravating.

Attack of the Ziplock Baggies

For the past three months Will and I have been getting all of our dinners from a place called Dream Dinners. Basically, in a two hour span of time, you can make all of your dinners for the entire month and package them up into freezer bags for later use. We drive down to a little store where they feed us samples and coffee and clean up after us while we put things we do not regularly purchase (bay leaves, green peppercorns) into Ziplock baggies with things like meat and vegetables. It is actually quite amazing what can happen when you mix some chicken with some herbs and spices and a few artichoke hearts. Who knew!

This month, I fear we went a little overboard:

The Eggos actually had to move over to the door rack to make room for all the dinners.

Now if only we could find Dream Laundry.

Seeing is Believing

Tomorrow I am going to attempt to make Rocky Road candy based solely on a recipe given verbally to me at a Christmas party.

The instructions were as follows:

Put waxed paper into a pan. Melt a bag of chocolate chips and pour onto the waxed paper. Pour in a bag of large marshmallows. Pour in a bag of almonds. Melt another bag of chocolate chips and pour over the marshmallows and almonds. Let cool. Cut into chunks.

Is that right? Does anybody have any additional tips or information? It just seems that I can't screw that up, and something I can't screw up just doesn't seem quite right.

Pepperminty

The most exciting thing about December is all the peppermint: peppermint cookies, candy canes, the Starbuck's Peppermint Mocha, peppermint bark. I love me some peppermint.

Since tomorrow is the first of December and holiday recipes are a go, I whipped up some peppermint cupcakes. How very Martha of me! And although the stuff I bake is usually a complete disaster, the peppermint cupcakes are delicious and pink and very, very pepperminty. Not only that, but easy, too! Here's how:

Prepare a box of white cake mix according to the instructions on the back of the box. Divide the batter into two bowls. In one bowl add a few drops of red food coloring and a bit of peppermint extract to the batter; blend well. In a cupcake pan lined with cupcake liners, add a tablespoonful of the white batter and then a tablespoonful of the pink batter. Bake as instructed. When cool, frost with white frosting and sprinkle with crushed candy cane. Yum!

Happy December!

Menu

You know it is going to be a bad day when before 9am you have eaten the following: one yogurt, one muffin, one bag Nacho Cheese Doritos, one twizzler, one tub Coldstone ice cream (dark chocolate peppermint).

There's no turning back when you've gone that far into junk food hell.

Spinach Lentil Soup

One week ago I signed up for some healthy eating plan thingy online. I got a list of healthy choice menus (mozzarella and tomato sandwich) and high calcium snacks (1 cup skim milk) and even some 125 calorie daily indulgences (pear, 1 large). I could stand to lose a pound or two, but more importantly I need to stop eating like a teenage boy.

The truth is, for being an official grown-up, I have few grown-up tendencies. Despite the fact that I am married and have a "real job" and have things like car insurance and rent and a retirement plan, I really do not have any sense of adult responsibility.

1. My job is at a high school. Teaching photography. I played Scattergories during C Block today.

2. The retirement plan? I know we have one, but what it is exactly I am not sure.

3. I complain about cleaning.

4. I sometimes try on 15 outfits before I go out. All the things I decide not to wear, I throw on the floor instead of hanging back up.

5. I stay up way past my bedtime, just because.

6. I sleep in until 11 on the weekends.

7. I play on the Internet excessively.

8. I ignore the alarm clock. Every day.

9. I am pretty sure I have car insurance.

10. I am deeply fascinated by Jessica Simpson's hair.

Anyway, I printed my meal plan and it told me to make things like "trout amandine, baked potato, with sauteed spinach" and "ginger chicken with edamame salad." These things sound nice in theory, but what exactly is "amandine" and isn't spinach making people sick lately? The menus are a little fancy considering I had Easy Mac for lunch and a BLT for dinner. I certainly need to move into a more adult meal plan, but there needs to be a transition period. Like maybe I can move from doughnuts to toaster waffles before I have to make the switch to the Egg Beaters Chive Scramble.

Somebody point be in the direction of a transition meal plan. One that doesn't completely rule out Doritos and M&Ms.

No Laughing Matter

I'm on a budget. I cringe even using the word budget because it sounds so stifling and oppressive. My husband just loves the word budget and he actually enjoys making little spreadsheets and checking the bank account and being all impressed over how much money is in our retirement account, which we can't even touch until we are, like, 80 or something. It's like a little hobby for him, in the way most people enjoy knitting or reading or going to the theater.

Will has never put me on a budget of any kind because even the mention of the word makes me fall on the floor and get a headache around the sides and partially under it, Eloise style. Will cannot stand that kind of drama.

This new budget, my first ever budget, is totally self-imposed. I made it up myself! In June, I spent $1169, mostly at Target, and in the next four weeks I am going to try to spend less than half that, $500 to be precise.

I plan to take out $120 a week from the bank and spend only that for 7 days, with a $20 buffer. It seemed like a good time to start this crazy plan, because on Thursday I have my wisdom teeth out so I'll be chillin' at home and next week I am going to a conference for which I get $50 a day per diem, which of course does not count toward my $500 since I will get reimbursed. So really I will have $800, but only $500 of that is my own money.

The funny thing is that even though I put myself on a budget, and even though the budget has nothing to do with how much money is in the bank and everything to do with stopping the ridiculous daily trips to Target, I somehow cannot stop complaining about the restrictions of my budget. What has to fit in the budget, I ask? Do I have to buy groceries with my money? Do I have to buy cat food with my money? Because if I have to buy cat food with my money, the cat is going back to dry cat food only. Sorry Millie.

(I do not have to buy groceries with my budget money. I do not have to buy cat food with my budget money. Will is going to buy these items. This is good news.)

Last night, I was suggesting wild and exaggerated What If situations concerning my budget. What if someone broke in and stole all my summer dresses? Would I get an increase in my budget? What if I had spent all my money and needed gas to get to work? Would I be allowed to take out $20 more dollars? I asked these questions as if my budget were inscribed on golden tablets, voted on and allocated by the state legislature, rather than just some numbers I made up in my own head.

After a dramatic monologue concerning my cash and the events that would ensue if I lost it all at a train station, Will asked if I was going to blog about my new budget.

With a significant amount of drama, I announced that "no, I am not going to blog about my budget. There is absolutely nothing funny to say about my budget."

"What is funny," he responded, "is how NOT funny you think this all is."

So far, I've spent $12. After the jump is a recipe, which is what happens when groceries are free but eating out is not.

Paper or Plastic

In preparation for the arrival of my new mini-muffin pan and tart shaper, I broke out my recipe box, wiped off the thick layer of accumulated dust, and started to look through the recipes. Whenever I find a good recipe in a magazine or online, I clip it or print it and neatly paste it onto a 4x6 index card. And then I file it away and never look at it again. I get some weird sense of security knowing that if I ever want to make balsamic poached chicken or blue-cornmeal griddle cakes, the recipe will be patiently awaiting me in my little box.

The surprising thing is, I have been totally and completely inspired since taking out the box. Inspired to whip up some pannacotta with fresh berries, you ask? Not exactly. Inspired to mix up a batch of grilled steak and mango salad? Not exactly that either. Inspired to create a nacho casserole? God, no, and why do I even have a recipe for a casserole that sounds like a junior high cafeteria lunch menu item? Nope, nope, nope.

Breaking out the recipe box completely inspired me to laminate all the recipe cards. That's right. I bought a roll of clear contact paper yesterday and had to buy a second roll today. I am individually covering each index card in a protective plastic layer. You know, so they won't get destroyed on the chance that I ever actually decide to use them.

I laminated my way through The Squid and the Whale (excellent film, by the way) and plan on laminating my way through whatever Netflix sends us next. Hello, Type A.

I did find an index card with a clipping of Linzer Style Cupcakes from Real Simple Magazine. Not so much a recipe as an adorable way to decorate a batch of cupcakes, almost inspiring enough to get me into the kitchen. The photo and the instructions are after the jump. Go on. Make a batch of wonderful cupcakes. I'll just be over here laminating.

Berry Weird

I don't know about you, but when I eat a strawberry, I always discard a little bit of the berry--specifically the part that is surrounding the little green cap--and, of course, I discard the little green cap itself.

I bring up this topic because apparently not all people do this--discard parts of the berry--as I previously had assumed.

Last night I made a fruit dip, which I served with fresh strawberries, and I discovered the strangest thing about my friend, Benji. He eats the entire strawberry, little green cap and all; just pops the whole thing right into his mouth. What the hell? Do people do that?  Do you do that? Because it's kinda weird.

The fruit dip, if you were wondering, is made by mixing whipped cream cheese, powdered sugar, and a bit of almond extract and it is delicious. I don't have any measurements for the recipe, just enough of everything until it tastes sweet and good.  Another fruit dip I love is made by mixing one tub of whipped cream cheese with one jar of marshmallow fluff.

Either concoction is yummy with all types of fruit and especially with strawberries. Green caps optional.

Sound Off

Yesterday, while Will and I were riding in the car (or, more specifically, while I was riding in the car and Will was driving the car because, no, we do not have a chauffer), Will pointed out that I don't really ever mess with the control systems. Like, I never change the radio station or turn on the radio or turn up the air conditioner or try to control the air flow or whatever. I just ride to wherever we are going and it never really occurs to me that it is silent and two million degrees.

Sometimes, when it is very hot in the car, I'll roll down the window a little bit and I always complain if sports radio is on because I cannot stand the overly-enthusiastic voices of men sportscasters. Also, car dealer commercials. The enthusiasm for sports and used cars on the radio kills me. It wouldn't be nearly as bad if they would just speak like normal human beings, rather than male Miss America contestants after their first-ever hit of crystal meth. Sometimes I'd rather just listen to the silence.

At home, Will has discovered some new iTunes radio station called Groove Salad which he now plays incessantly. The music is described as having ambient beats and grooves, but there is so much more to it than that. There are beats, yes, and grooves, I guess, but also many weird things that can best be described as music created from your kitchen cabinets using bags of rice and wooden spoons. There are also weird voices that for an entire song will only repeat the words "love me, show me" and, also, recurring sounds that I can only describe as the noise created when nice, green aliens come to earth in one of those cute UFOs with lots of little rainbow lights.

My dad is a musician and when I was 10 years old he got this awesome digital keyboard with which you could create all sorts of bizarre sounds. There were specific settings for creating space invader noises and for warping sounds in order to create the sensation of being locked in a time tunnel. The music in my house now reminds me of that keyboard and all of its weird science fiction functions.

There are some things make me a bit snobby, I guess—I like going to art museums and I schedule things in my Palm Pilot and I won't touch fabric softener because I hate the way it feels—but this ambient music with atmospheric soundscapes? Dude, just give me some Micheal Jackson and Black Eyed Peas.

After the jump is the recipe for the Key Lime Pie, which was pretty good, although might want to go to Coconut & Lime for a Coconut Key Lime Pie recipe. Yum.

What Puts the Key in Key Lime, Anyway?

I cooked tonight! Amazing, I know.

I made a 10-minute pasta dish and a key lime pie. Except the store didn't have key limes, so technically speaking, it is a lime pie. We haven't tried the lime pie yet, but the pasta dish was pretty tasty.

Here's the recipe I used so you can see how very much work I put in (not very much and, yet, the kitchen was totally destroyed as though I had crafted a five-course, Martha Stewart worthy dinner party):

1. Cook a couple boneless, skinless chicken breasts on the George Foreman.

2. Get some water boiling and drop in some fettuccini.

3. In a small bowl, mix up 3/4 cup Ricotta cheese, 1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese, and three tablespoons melted butter.

4. Chop up some basil, I like a lot of it, and a couple of tomatoes. Chop up the chicken.

5. Drain the noodles and return them to the pot. Add the cheese mixture, the basil, the tomatoes, and the chicken. Mix and serve. Voila!

If the lime pie is good--which I am guessing it isn't because it is a lower-calorie lime pie and we all know how that goes, but IF on the rare chance that it is good--I'll post that, too.

Finally

I know y'all have been on the edges of your seats and so I am here to tell you that we did go grocery shopping. Oh yes, we did. And now we have things in the pantry and things in the refrigerator and yet, despite filling up a cart full of items at Trader Joe’s yesterday, I still ate two tablespoons of hot fudge and a bag of mini carrots for dinner tonight. We could very well have left all our bags at the checkout counter because when I look into the fridge there is nothing that stands out except that damn jar of fudge that beckons to me with all its thick, rich, chocolatey scrumptiousness.

And, anyway, we technically ate dinner at an awards ceremony earlier this evening, if meatballs, little wieners, ruffles, and a variety of cheeses count as dinner. Which, in my world? Are you serious? That’s like a four-course banquet.

But, wait. Last night. Last night we made a roast chicken and mashed potatoes. By we, I mean I got all squeamish about touching the raw flesh of a dead bird which could have bird flu, you never know, and directed the preparation of the chicken from a safe distance on the other side of the sink. I did hold the mixer to mash up the potatoes, while Will added things like milk and butter and garlic salt and chives. Teamwork! We were quite impressive and I should have taken a photo of the finished chicken (which was nice and goldenish brown because I followed Martha's instructions and put a foil tent on it) but by the time the dinner was finally finished, I was so hungry that I was about to run to Del Taco for a quick snack. The recipe said the chicken would feed six people. Impossible. Six third graders, maybe.

And, finally:

Photos from Atlanta and some streaming video of me after two big bowls of mai tai from Trader Vic's. Rene took the movie and has more, including one of Will singing his unique rendition of La Bamba, coming soon.

McGreasy

So, Will totally forgot to make the coffee this morning and I was all, "Whaaaaaat? No Coffee?"

And, instead of either a) being late and making up some coffee or b) apologizing profusely for the no coffee situation, Will just said, "Nope, no coffee. I forgot."

And so I got all (admittedly) overly cranky about the no coffee business because hello? I NEEEEED THE COFFEEEEEEE.

And so Will said that I should take the coffee pot to my classroom and I said that fine, I would (except I totally won't because I don't even know how to work the thing and also, the waffle iron in the classroom plan was a total disaster).

Due in part to the no coffee situation (and also due to the no self-control situation), this is what I have eaten, even though today was the day I was going to start "eating right":

Baggie of fiber cereal (very good start, very good)

and then it all went to hell:

1 small bag Cool Ranch Doritos
5 pieces popcorn chicken
3 curly fries dipped in ranch
1 chicken rice bowl (my intended lunch)
10 bazillion Hershey Kisses
2 cupcakes (pink frosting) from Jennifer
5 pretzels
Pepsi

This is actually worse than usual, except for Sunday when we drove a van of kids to Northridge and ate at McDonalds and In-n-Out and had nachos and Reese's Pieces from a food stand all in the same day. Miraculously, I did not puke although I still may, two days later, from the gross overdose of cheese and grease.

Oh well. Tomorrow is a new day. Hopefully a new day that starts with a cup of coffee and does not end with macaroni and cheese, which is what I am currently thinking sounds good for dinner.

Raw

Will's response to his chosen meal of steak tartare at a nice French restaurant: It's pretty good, but would be delicious if it were just cooked.

Um, that would be a hamburger.

Ramble On

I am not even going to talk about how my brand new pair of pointy toe heels got caught in the darkroom revolving door, which caused an inch-long rip in the leather on the toe of my left shoe. We are not discussing the death of the beautiful black leather with the very snazzy hot pink lining.

At the beginning of the school year I came up with the genius idea of having a book exchange with some other teachers. The idea is, we all go out to dinner and everybody brings a book, tells a little about the book, and then we all go home with a new book to read. Genius, right? Except I have been so busy that I haven’t read a new book all month and tomorrow I am supposed to show up with something to share. Genius.

I just ate some roasted red pepper soup and, I’m not sure, but I think it tastes bad. The expiration date says it is okay for a couple months but it has been in the cupboard for a few months so I dumped it out and am going the frozen burrito route instead. Here’s something kind of annoying: the instructions on the burrito wrapper are “Heat Until Hot and Soft.” That’s it. How about an estimate people? 1 minute? 8 minutes? I need a little guidance.

In conclusion:

The shoes were exquisite.

I can’t read and mourn.

The burrito took 2 minutes.

El Pollo Loco

I had to go to Walmart again before Halloween to buy some navy blue fabric for my stewardess hat. This is the second time this year that I have had to go into Walmart, a place that I absolutely loathe and detest.

At the customer service desk (which is very much ironically named since there is very little going on in the way of service), they were handing out free recipe cards. I picked some up because I thought that the chicken bake dish looked pretty yummy. Do y’all see the picture? Looks pretty tasty, right?

I rely pretty heavily on recipes in order to make a meal. I’m not the kind of girl who can create a gourmet dinner out of cinnamon, an acorn squash, a head of wilted lettuce, a box of Jell-o, and a can of crab bisque. Props to anyone who is right now thinking, “Well, I’d start off by cubing the squash…”

I don’t really try any of that creative mixing and matching in the kitchen.

But THIS chicken bake recipe, which I got free at Walmart? I think I could have pulled it off without the card. Seriously. Y’all, these are the ingredients:

Chicken breast
Can of Cream of Mushroom Soup

That’s it! That’s the whole recipe. I mean, really?

Maybe they need a recipe card for cereal. Ingredients: cereal, milk.

And toast. Ingredients: bread, butter.

Ladies, I have an idea: The Two-Ingredient Cookbook. Send in your submissions! It is sure to be an instant best seller.

We’ll market it at Walmart.

I've Got an Acorn in the Oven

As we speak, or actually as I write, there is an acorn squash cooking in the oven. Up until two days ago I thought that the area in the produce section of the grocery store, the one with all the weirdly shaped pumpkiny-looking thingies, was where you purchased items to create a nice fall centerpiece. Turns out you actually cook those things and they are technically called squash.

I found this information out when I got this month’s edition of Martha Stewart Everyday Food in the mail. Martha Stewart Everyday Food is that little magazine with all the recipes that are actually achievable, unlike the rest of her crazy and totally unrealistic shit. When I say achievable, I of course mean, there’s something in there I can probably figure out if I follow the instructions very, very carefully.

Such as, almond-ginger biscotti (issue 26) or pork chops with bulger stuffing (issue 25). (Microsoft Word says that bulger is not a word, which goes to show just how common and easily accessible bulger is. Yep. I’m gonna get right on that recipe.)

In other news, I found and purchased a bottle of Monin Violet Syrup. I am crazy about all things flavored violet. Like violet mints. And violet gum. And I have violet perfume which smells very much like an old lady but which I adore all the same. Violet will never be pink, but it sure tastes lovely.

Hello, lovah.

Hot Water

Today, because my husband wasn't home, I had to google "tricks for opening a jar" so that I could get a jar of salsa verde open.

How did people survive before the internet?

The Ultimate Party Machine!

I am the last person in the blogosphere that should be offering advice on kitchen gadgets because, honestly, I only own about five appliances, four of which are gathering dust in my cabinets and I truthfully cannot even tell you what they are or what they do. I am pretty sure we have a rice cooker, a griddle, a George Foreman Grill, and a crème brulee torch. And I’ve used them, I have. I just can’t remember when.

Last Christmas, Will’s dad gave us a Magic Bullet and I was pretty much like, Oh, you’ve got to kidding me. Not that I didn’t appreciate the thoughtfulness, I totally did, but what the hell was I supposed to do with the Magic Bullet and its 25 corresponding parts? Not having television I was unaware of the wonder that is the Magic Bullet (It chops! It blends! It slices! It dices! It juices! It does the laundry! It goes grocery shopping!). In what would have been the biggest mistake of my life, even worse than the time I went down the Kern River in a tube without a life jacket, I almost dropped off the Magic Bullet at the Goodwill.

I am not qualified to speak in kitchen terminology, so I won’t even try, but suffice it to say that you put things into the Bullet and they come out of the Bullet as different, more marvelous things. Like, for example, if you put in whipping cream and chocolate it will come out as mousse. I don’t know how it does it and I don’t really care. All I know is that it makes margaritas in ten seconds flat and that is an appliance that gets prime real estate on my kitchen counter.

Call Me Barista

My friend Mary owns a chic little coffee house and, seeing as I am on summer break, she invited me over to learn the wonderful world of coffee. Let me tell you, it is not easy. A lady came in today and ordered an “iced, sugar-free, non-fat soy, double-shot, white chocolate, caramel latte, no whip.”

I just stood there like a deer in the headlights. Uh, Mary? I could use a little help here.

Coffee. It is a complex world.

That's a Wrap

I won Rachel Ray's 30 Minute Get Togethers at Bunco last month and, while I just love having lots of cookbooks, I don't ever actually make anything out of them. That would require cooking, a project which I rarely get involved in. However, a few weeks ago I actually MADE a recipe out of the new Rachel Ray cookbook and it was so easy and delicious that I made it AGAIN last night. I adapted it to my liking and I am posting my adaptation here with the assurance that you cannot screw it up. If it worked for me, it will most certainly work for you. We are making lettuce wraps.

Start with:

2 chicken breasts
2 tbsp olive oil
2 tbsp soy sauce

Soak the chicken in a bowl with the olive oil and soy sauce for a bit. Grill up the chicken on the George Foreman. If you don't have a George Foreman, you're gonna have to figure that one out on your own, because that's the only way I know how to cook chicken. When the breasts are all grilled up, cut 'em into chunks and mix 'em in a bowl with the following ingredients:

2 carrots, grated
1 cucumber, chopped up
12 basil leaves, chopped up
3 green onions, chopped up
1/2 cup bean sprouts
1 tbsp sesame seeds
2 tbsp sugar
1 tbsp vinegar

You can make a sauce by combining:
1/4 cup peanut butter
2 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp olive oil
A dash of cayenne

Use large, pliable leaves of lettuce (I use green leaf). Spread some peanut butter sauce on the leaves and fill with the chicken/veggie mix. Wrap and eat. Yum.

No oven required. Thank God.

Any Egg Salad?

Deli Style

I need to preface this post by saying that I am not pregnant. Got that? Not pregnant. I know that this is enormously disappointing to some of my readers, specifically my mother and the various people trying to make conversation in the employee lunchroom. I am not pregnant. We aren’t even trying. Hear that? Practicing, yes. Trying, no.

I am not pregnant but, for some reason, I have been seriously craving sandwiches lately—peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, egg salad sandwiches, and grilled cheese sandwiches, in particular. I actually ordered an egg salad sandwich at a nice restaurant last week. Recently at work there has not been any “work” to do and so I leave to buy grilled cheese sandwiches at 8:30 in the morning. There’s nothing like grilled cheese for breakfast.

The problem is that we do not have any normal food in our kitchen. Like milk. Or white bread. Or that fake American cheese. Or strawberry jelly. Or Skippy. Or Twinkies! Or Lucky Charms! Or Ho-Hos! Or Oreos! Or...you get the point. Sadly, we just don’t buy those things. We have lots of delicious items like chicken with curry sauce and plain nonfat yogurt and chopped sea clams. Items that are just not cutting it when you want a normal, ordinary, lunchbox-style sandwich.

It’s 11pm but, what can I say, I think I’m gonna have to send Will to get some white bread and Skippy. And maybe some pickles.

Oh! And maybe a box or two of Hostess Cupcakes.

Petit Gâteau

What's your favorite type of cupcake?
Homemade buttery yellow cupcakes with thick and gooey chocolate frosting.

More about the importance of cupcakes in my cupcake interview.

Fiesole

We had purple artichokes for dinner. I bought them last night at Trader Joe's because they were a lovely violet color, plus they had "less choke" to them. Whatever that means. The company put that on the packaging as a selling point, so I figured it must mean something really fantastic. As in: we got artichokes with less choke! Hurrah! Yay for the less choke!

As it turns out, the purple artichokes didn't taste much different from the green variety and they actually had much less edible flesh (perhaps having something to do with the less choke). Interestingly enough, the lovely purple color turned into pea green in the boiling water, making the whole purpleness factor practically pointless.

Will thought they were horrible and he will eat mostly anything. Such as clams from a tin can. If you can eat clams from a tin can, you shouldn't mind a little less choke. I mean, really.

Pink Pie

Strawberry Margarita Pie
1 1/4 cups crushed pretzels
1/4 cup margarine, melted
1 can sweetened condensed milk, low fat
1 cup pureed strawberries
1/2 cup lime juice
1 tub (8oz.) Cool Whip

Combine the crushed pretzels and margarine in a 9-in pie plate, pressing crumb mixture firmly on bottom of pan. Refrigerate until ready to use.

In a large bowl, mix the condensed milk, pureed strawberries, and lime juice until well blended. Fold in Cool Whip.

Pour mixture into crust and freeze for 6 hours. Garnish with sliced strawberries.

Will approved of the recipe. And ate two slices. Plus cleaned the mixer blades.

We kicked off Spring Break with a volleyball game (Eagles v. Lobos), a trip to Barnes and Noble where I read all my favorite magazines, a movie (Because of Winn-Dixie) and the aforementioned pink pie.

Today: clean house, work on Slice of Pink's tricky bits, eat tortillas de papas (if Jose's mama will make us up some), and go to Costco.