Slice of Pink

Pink Goes {Green}

Have you heard? St. Patrick's Day is rescheduled this year.

The Pope says we need to celebrate on the 14th. Or maybe the 15th. Others say that Saint Patrick's Day will be on the 17th, as usual.

Some are going to resolve the dilemma by just starting the celebration today and partying through the 17th.

In other words, you are gonna need to be wearin' the green for the next few days. Thanks to Paper Pony, I have discovered Polyvore and have spent my entire lunch break building St. Patty outfits for you.

Like, for instance, this lovely outfit which includes a $12 green apple ring.

So, the jeans in this outfit are $200, but the shoes and the bangle are from Old Navy. Evens things out.

How about a little Lilly Pulitzer pink and green? Perfect for resort life, summer in the Hamptons, or St. Patrick's Day!

And, finally, this outfit, which I put together for you to wear out to a pub. Doesn't beer make such a good accessory?

Happy wearing o' the green. For the next four days.

Cozy and Confused

Do y'all get Martha Stewart Living magazine? Do y'all have this issue with the heart on the cover?

If so, I'd like you to go get your issue and turn to page 129. I'll wait.

Okay, you there?

See that there picture of those two mugs of cocoa with the title "Warmth?" Looks cozy, yes?

Now explain to me this: what does that title page (it is a title page, right?) have to do with the article following on supermarket flowers in unusual arrangements, which do not look warm at all?

This is keeping me awake at night. I need answers.

The Most Magical Holiday Ever

The holiday issue of Martha Stewart Living arrived today. Here is the list of things that I will NOT be doing this year, thus failing to create The Most Magical Holiday Ever.

Scent my home with homemade potpourri.

Serve spicy tuna tartare on waffle chips.

Create a centerpiece with crimson pomegranates, tiny Seckel pears, and assorted grapes.

Adjust my indoor lighting so that it is flattering to guests in the evening.

Hire an extra set of hands to help with serving and clean up.

Make Marcona Almond and Fleur de Sel Pralines.

Create a wreath from lemon butter fern and two types of maidenhair fern.

Make Roast Goose with Pomegranate Glaze.

Design rhinestone-studded snap-on necklaces for dogs.

Transform beads into dinner plate sized snowflake ornaments.

Start a collection of often-overlooked collectible reindeer by searching yard sales, flea markets, online auctions, and holiday antique fairs.

Anybody taking Martha up on these Most Magical Holiday Ever good things? Anybody? Anybody? Bueller?

Warped

Aren't you tired of windows, pictures, and doors ripping holes in your wallpaper patterns and disrupting the continuity? There is an answer.

More Pop Posters

More from The Poster List. I want to buy lots of these and hang them above my desk.

Type or Die! Have I ever mentioned that I don't know how to type? Really. I've been practicing on Dance Mat Typing over at the BBC, a program for 7 to 11 year olds, and, I swear to you, I just found out that those two raised dots on the J and F keys actually serve a purpose. My husband, while watching me peck away this weekend, actually said, "wow, I didn't realize you were that bad." Happily, I can now type the home row without looking and with minimal mistakes. Do you think I can type a torts midterm using only words comprised of the letters a, s, d, f, g, h, j, k, and l with the semicolon as my only punctuation?

Pop Posters

I swear that the pop posters from The Poster List were designed especially for me.

Bike or Die! I have hardly been in the car at all since we arrived in Davis, relying almost exclusively on my bicycle as transportation, even when I don't have to. Today I even biked in the rain. Or, well, right after the rain. There were some big puddles. Or the road was a little damp still. Whatever. The main thing to know is: rain, bike, me. I am a hardcore cyclist (if any hardcore cyclists ride pink bikes in skirts and heels).

Better World

I found Better World Shopper while hanging out at the local bookstore this evening. The idea--to provide people with a comprehensive and reliable account of the social and environmental responsibility of companies around the world--was created by a teacher at UC Davis and he has rated companies in hundreds of categories on a simple A to F grading scale, like this:

I am happy to report that I receive an A for the technology I use, the water I drink, and the ice cream I like, although the gas I buy and the crap I wash my hair with both receive a C mark.

It will be interesting to see how my grades change in the coming months. Davis is highly socially and environmentally responsible and there is not a Mall or a Walmart or a Target or a Costco in town.

A friend of mine, Drew, who attended UC Davis, joked that you had to drive out of town to buy a pair of underwear. And he's pretty much correct. Sure, you can buy high-end home goods, a Starbucks Coffee, couture clothing, an Electra cruiser, and lots of A+ rated goods, but you have to drive 15 miles to the next town to get a pair of panties.

Stylish Summer Reading

So, I assume y'all are enjoying some trashy summer novels? Download these fun, free Kate Spade Book Covers to hide what you're reading poolside. I'm totally covering my law books in these stylish wraps.

Also, watch the sweet short film Blondie while you're there.

Come On Now, Act Right

OMGG (Oh My Goodness Gracious), y'all need to go check out Y'all Behave, Sarah Foley's Senior Project for the School of Visual Arts. Be sure to join the club by tattling to her about all the misbehavin' going on around you.

It's time for a good manners revolution. Put on your charm and be nice now, you hear?

Trim the Tree

The December issue of Martha Stewart Living arrived in my mailbox a couple of days ago and I have been thumbing through it, looking for some fresh holiday ideas. I looked over Martha's holiday planner and, in case you didn't know, on Thursday you should be baking the fruitcakes and plum pudding, planting the paper whites for holiday blooms, writing your holiday newsletter, making your homemade gifts, mailing your overseas packages, and printing your holiday-card address lists. It's the first week of December and there is a lot to do, people! You have to get that crap done so you can move on to the pomanders of week two and the silverware polishing of week three.

How are you decorating your home for this wondrous season? Martha Stewart suggests Christmas Eve morning in a shimmery silver and mint with a quick change to rose and white for the night before Christmas, while Christmas morning would be vibrant in citrus hues complete with sunny arrangements of clementines, lemons, and kumquats. Me? Um, I think we're going with the traditional gold and red this year, because that is all the stuff I already own, although we will formally refer to my decor as neoclassical gold with crimson accents, thankyouverymuch.

I skipped over the entire article on oysters, as well as the cyclamen (colorful and cheery) article, but I am one hundred percent going to be making the cookie cottages, complete with a peppermint palace and woodsy hideaway. It's an activity for kids, so I am pretty sure I might be able to handle it.

Bake this Buoyant Meringue in your Charlotte Mold

I like how Martha Stewart refers to the desserts in this month’s issue as Dreamy.

I’m sure she means that they are delicate and heavenly, but I interpret this as:

Ile flottante with pistachio crème anglaise and a spun sugar crown? In your dreams, sucker.

She's Finally Catching On

The new issue of Martha Stewart Magazine, the one with the ridiculously fancy glitter Easter eggs on the cover, just arrived and I think it actually has some surprisingly reasonable spring activities in it. I even think Martha might be slacking a bit because, for once, I’m thinking I might be able to complete more than one assignment in the magazine.

Don’t get me wrong. There’s no way that I am going to make a sewing machine cover out of a tea towel or adorn my wooden valances with trompe l’oeil wallpaper borders. Wooden valances? Trompe l’oeil wallpaper? Huh?

Also, Fragrant Homemade Grass Soap which requires you to "cut a 5 inch square section from a flat of wheatgrass [and] pull out individual blades with roots attached and lay in a single layer on a sheet of blotting paper." Seriously? Who has time for this? I don't have time in the morning to pull out 15 individual wayward eyebrow hairs. Yeah. No.

BUT. Tangerine Chiffon Pie? Tangerine Chiffon Pie that calls for two cups store-bought juice? That’s something I can handle.

AND. Tequila-Soaked Sorbet? Tequila-Soaked Sorbet that has two ingredients, one of them being tequila, the other being sorbet? THIS is a good thing.

Straight up, people, there's a limeade recipe that calls for these ingredients: limes, sugar.

That's what I am talking about, Martha. That's what I'm talking about.

Fabulous Twenty-Six

It looks like twenty-six is going to be fabulous. And, if not fabulous, it will at least be well documented (and well dressed):

Not a Good Thing

I think the people at Martha Stewart Living have run out of ideas. These are actual articles and recipes in my July issue of Martha Stewart Living, which arrived in my mailbox five days after it arrived on magazine racks. What is the point of subscribing if you don’t get the shit before everyone else?

FRIED YUCA WITH LEMON
Finally, something to do with that pesky 5 pound of yuca.

COLLECTING: CORN HOLDERS
A collection for the corniest of collectors.

EARTHY AND APPEALING ADOBE
Okay, you start with some organic mud...

PAPAYA AND GRAPEFRUIT WITH YOGURT AND LEMON BALM
Is it a food or a spa treatment?

TOMATO, PEACH, AND HYSSOP SOUP
Great! Fresh hyssops are on sale this week at Vons!

And, finally, an answer to this reader’s question:
LAST SUMMER MY LAWN LOOKED TIRED AND BROWN. WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT ITS APPEARANCE THIS YEAR?
Uh, water it, birdbrain. Maybe a little fertilizer.

I think I'll go ahead and start answering Martha's questions. If you have a dilemma about your lawn or anything else, shoot me an email. This is easy!

Thank you, come again.