I've joked before about what I would do with an extra One Hundred Grand--spend it on a law degree, that's what--but now that Sarah Palin has spent $150,000 on clothes at Saks Fifth Avenue and Neiman Marcus, I thought I'd do the same.
Except, you know, in the pretend shopping world. The world where sales tax does not exist.
When I started this post, I actually thought it was going to be fun. I'd just pick some expensive couture and add up the bill. It was not fun. It was actually a huge pain in the ass. We're talking about a boatload of clothes. I've never been much of a shopper anyway, so this just became an ultra-tedious task. Do you realize how many wool hounds-tooth dresses there are at Saks, all of which look practically identical?
Here it is: what I would be wearing had the RNC picked me as the Vice Presidential Candidate. What? I could have been picked. I have more formal education than Sarah, I can see Russia on a map, and I know some Supreme Court cases, too. I have a cute haircut. Totally qualified, my friends.
Armani Collezioni Raised Seam Tweed Jacket and Paperbag Pants $2190
I was standing on a table to take this photo of Will and two of his siblings, Nicole and Anthony. They are making a message for their mother, which appears to be "Three Three Heart Field Goal," but which is supposed to be "We Love You."
I took a dozen photos of them, after which Nicole turned the camera on me:
All this photo fun took place at Amanda's birthday party yesterday.
Happy Birthday, dear Amanda. Three Three Heart Field Goal.
Okay, bosses. I'm checking in hourly with my updates.
The morning has been super-productive! I completed two tasks: putting away my suitcase from the trip and sending off two interview thank you notes. Plus I got ready already. Here's the proof:
Ready to go. All that work before 9 AM is exhausting. Is it too early for a nap?
Yo, yo. I'm reporting to you live from Copyright class. Last hour, I did my Copyright reading--the NFL got all pissy with some sports bars--and then I rode my bicycle to school. You'll be terribly excited to see how much reading I have to do today. Fascinating! Also, I bought a coffee.
I'm now in Constitutional Law II, also known as the bane of my existence. My professor is talking a mile-a-minute about political process models, insular minorities, preemptory challenges, quasi-suspect classifications, and stigmatization. Wish you were here!
Announcement: I finally had a chance to pee! Woot! I will now be attending a lunchtime discussion on Careers in In-House Counsel. I will attempt to multi-task by listening to the speakers, eating my free lunch, and also getting some tasks done. On deck: reading for my next class and responding to emails.
Last class of the day, people, last class of the day. Then I'll really get down to business.
So, I've got this all screwed up because I've been telling you what I am going to do, rather than what I've actually done. This is not really a fantastic plan, because telling you what I am going to do does not really hold me accountable for actually then doing those things. For example, last hour I reported that I was going to class. Right after reporting to you that I was going to class I could have decided that, never mind, I was going to go get ice cream instead and you would never know. To iron out this wrinkle--to make your job easier--I'm going to stop reporting what I plan to do and start reporting what I actually have done. That said, I did go to class last hour and did not go get ice cream. So, I'm a stellar employee, in other words.
Last hour I went and negotiated with some contract people. I was all, yo, I understand that most people just sign contracts without reading the terms and whatnot, but I'm a baby lawyer and this indemnification clause? You're just gonna have to change that. I'm hardcore(ish). I rode my pink bike over to take care of that business so it took most of the hour, however, we are going to count that as TWO tasks completed because in my world riding a bike to run errands = working out!
COULD THIS POST GET ANY MORE BORING? For all of you who thought my life was a drunken giraffe-petting magical adventure, boy, were you wrong. Worst of all, I can't even blame you for asking for these incredibly boring hour-by-hour updates on the life of a law student, because you didn't ask for them. I am forcing them upon you in what could be the worst-ever post in the history of SoPink. But, I'm all committed to the post now, so I'll report that last hour I attempted to figure out some website stuff. Also, I rode my bike home so I am now eating candy corn.
I applied for a job.
I went email crazy last hour! I email, email, emailed. Then I rode my bike to Starbucks, where I am now enjoying an oatmeal (Starbucks has oatmeal. What?) and a caffe latte with some friends.
Going to the bar.
I'm a bit behind on tasks because, well, um, see, the thing is that, um, Desperate Housewives sorta arrived from Netflix today. Having no TV puts me way out of the loop on all things televised, so obviously I have totally missed the boat on saying this, but hello! That show is seriously ridiculous and, no doubt, I could waste all evening watching to find out some very important things. For instance, will Mike wake up from the coma? Did Orsen kill his wife? Will Gabby and Carlos get back together?
News Flash! The economy is all jacked up!
Oh. You heard?
In light of the disaster that is the economy, I'm going to do something that I never do on Slice of Pink and actually follow up on something that I started to tell you about, once upon a time. I often tell you things only to never speak of those things again. Largely, this is because I lack follow through, both on this blog and in real life. For instance, hula hooping to health? Despite my best intentions--despite actually purchasing a hula hoop--I did not once hula my way to physical fitness.
But let's ignore my failures.
If you have been around these parts for awhile, you'll remember back in 2006 I did a little experiment. The experiment was called June Money Madness and for one whole month I tracked my purchases. I wrote down every dollar I spent on sun dresses, movie tickets, cokes, hairspray and nachos. I dutifully kept track of pancakes and pizza and postcards and purses and presents and parking fees.
In one month, I spent $1169.94. Over half of that money was spent on just three things: clothing, eating out, and trips to Target. The nearly $1200 outlay did not include a single bill--I did not pay a penny to the electric company or the car insurance. Not a penny went to rent or utilities.
I was shocked that I had spent so much money, largely on nothing at all. As I pointed out:
Last month, I could have purchased a Burberry trench coat with the money I spent, and still had some change leftover for, oh, maybe a Coach tote. Instead, I have two skirts I picked up at Costco, a stand of fake pearls from Target, and a bottle of hairspray. The other thousand bucks? Who knows!
Genuine lead crystal angels with 22K gold accents! Tacky for only $49.99!
Only $225.00 for this terrible beauty who "moves swiftly through the rain forest, drawn on by the scent of prey drinking at the river’s edge." Claaasssy.
I'm sorry, but friends don't let friends buy tacky collectibles.
Your candidate is lying to you.
Do you notice that the candidates are all saying the same words? Mortgage, kitchen table, main street. It's a big political broken record out there. And for good reason. Some really smart people who are getting paid really big money did some really serious research and found out that certain issues are really important to voters.
I keep seeing status updates and blog posts and twitters and news articles that basically say "your candidate is lying to you!" The Republicans say that Obama is lying. The Democrats say that McCain in lying. The Republicans say that Biden is lying. The Democrats say that Palin is lying.
You need to listen, my friends. Your candidate is lying to you. Your candidate. Yep, yours. All the candidates are telling little lies. If you don't believe me, pour yourself a nice cup of coffee and please go look at Fact Check for five minutes. Of course, I personally think that some candidates are telling more dangerous lies than others and that some candidates are engaging in more rampant smear campaigning than others, but that doesn't change my message to you.
The message, again, in case you missed it: Your candidate is lying to you. In the most subtle of ways, your candidate has you fooled.
Many years ago I attended a focus group conducted by a prominent political consultant. I watched from behind a two-way mirror as stay-at-home moms were subjected to a variety of language tests. The discussion was about the war in Iraq. What we found was this: if you call the war a "war on terror," people responded favorably; if you call the war a "war on Iraq," people responded negatively. That's it. Same war. Same women. Different response. It's not even about the war, it's about the words. Politics is just a dumb game and, lucky us, we are the pawns. If you aren't thinking critically, you are being duped.
The words your candidate says are carefully selected--hope, change, maverick, main street, patriotism, soccer mom--they are all words that make us feel a certain way. They make us feel good. They make us feel understood. They make us feel important. You are not alone. Be assured that those words were selected to make you feel exactly the way lots of Americans are feeling, all warm and fuzzy inside.
Unless, like me, you are feeling patronized and annoyed.
Guess what, folks? The candidates are not just like you. They do not sit around the kitchen table to figure out which bills to pay this week. They do not worry about filling up their gas tanks. They do not wonder how to send their kids to college. They are lying. But, you know, that's okay. Because I don't want my candidate to be just like me. I want them to be smarter, wiser, more articulate than me. I would want them to kick my ass on Jeopardy. I want them to know more Supreme Court cases than I do. And I know a few Supreme Court cases, people.
I like to watch the results from the "dial testers" during the debate. I find it extraordinary that people's reactions are most favorable when the candidate is SAYING NOTHING AT ALL. When either candidate is speaking intelligently and informatively, the reactions are generally pretty static. But as soon as either candidate starts speaking in the tired rhetoric, people just just eat that crap up. As soon as the candidates mention that they, just like you, sit around their kitchen table wondering if they should pay the electric bill or not (lie!), people just lose their damn minds and nod along. It's disgusting, really.
I want a candidate who appeals to my intellect, not my emotions. Is it really too much to ask?
I propose this. When we make decisions on Election Day, let's make them based on substance.
I'm not asking you to vote for a specific candidate. All I'm asking is that you find a satisfactory answer to the question "who are you voting for and why?" It is not enough to vote for somebody because they are black or white, male or female, war hero or law scholar, soccer mom or working dad. It is not enough to vote for someone based on their total bullshit superficial hyperbole. It is not enough to vote for someone because they are pretty or patriotic or personable.
Fancy words are not enough. I propose we vote on substance not style this year. Are you with me?
Five things I will make illegal if you elect me President:
Kathryn and I went to the roller rink last night, for what was advertised as a sort of back to junior high disco skating extravaganza. We were not junior highers in what would be considered a disco era--in fact, we were not even alive during what would be considered a disco era--so we dressed up in some eighties gear. Or, maybe nineties gear. We were not junior highers until, like, 1992 or something, but none of it ended up mattering anyway, because after 45 minutes of quasi-disco music, the DJ started playing some bullshit modern music that I don't even know how to properly classify, except to say that it was not good.
I swiped these pictures off of Kathryn's Facebook page.
In any event, it was not very much like junior high skating at all, which could have been terribly disappointing, but which ended up being fine because there was a keg. There was never a keg a junior high skating parties.
We did ride our bikes to and from the rink which I guess is totally junior high, except that in junior high that would have been so embarrassing. Now, the only embarrassing part is when you are too drunk to get your bike unlocked and have to call your husband to get the combination.
I put on my mascara while riding my bike to school today. That right there is the life of law student, in case you were wondering. The lots-to-do, not-enough-time, eat-breakfast-from-a-vending-machine sort of life.