Scrooge

It went like this.

I finished finals, drank a bottle of champagne, and then got to the Christmas shoppping. I had to do all the shopping in two days and it turned out to be the two most stressful, most difficult days that I have experienced in a long, long time.

It's amazing really. I made it through law school finals with no tears at all. I was rock solid. Battle hardened. It was no big thing. But Christmas shopping? It broke me down. At one point, early on the first day, I was fighting back tears on the holiday candy aisle of Target, and that was just the beginning. I felt despair, pure and flawless, for two days. The desperation was palpable. I vowed to do all next year's shopping online.

The weeks leading up to Christmas are always this way for me. Usually the anxiety is strung out over a month, little lights of anxiety of it that twinkle intermittingly throughout December. This year was different, more like looking directly into a giant flashing strobe light. The stores closed on Christmas Eve and I wrapped up the gifts and, finally, I took a deep breath, the first in two days.

As most of you know, I could bypass the gift giving. I know people take this the wrong way, that they cannot understand why I don't care much about gifts. In part, it's because of the depression that I experience, the thick and tangible anxiety of finding the perfect gift for each of 40 people.

But mostly it's just that I feel that I have enough things, but not nearly enough time with the people I love. I'd give up all the gifts for another lunch out with an aunt, drinks with a cousin, a movie with my little sister. The best part of opening the gifts aren't the things in the boxes but the people sitting around the tree with glasses of wine and plates of cookies. Time with family, that's my favorite gift of all.

Comments

[Malia]

I second that! It is so much fun just to be sitting around...and hanging out!

I hope you had a Merry one.

Malia

[Raven]

I totally feel you.

[Zandria]

Oh, no, Janet! I'm sorry the gift-buying had to happen in such a short (and definitely stressful) period of time. It looks like it was all worth it in the end, but I'm definitely feeling you on appreciating what really matters.

[Pamela]

I love to give gifts -- seeing how happy the recipient is makes me happy -- but I agree that spending time with my sister at the movies, lunch with my mom, a dinner with friends is so much more appealing!

[Larissa]

I hope you had a wonderful time with family, despite the stress of gifts. I personally vote that we do away with obligatory gift-buying, and enjoy the people around us!

[Katie]

Well said! And I hope you are able to get some rest and relaxation in before next semester starts. :)

[Ashley]

Janet, I couldn't agree more! I hope you have a great new year!

[nicole]

I am right there with you. I hate the anxiety that comes with Christmas shopping. online is the only way to go. xoxo

[chronicler]

Perfectly said. In fact this year all I wanted was time. Time with people, most of all.

[class-factotum]

Several friends and I have agreed not to exchange gifts but to take ourselves out for a nice lunch instead.