What Would Bloggers Do?

Will and I are not big fans of Christmas. We like the holiday decorations and the gatherings, of course, not to mention the food, friends, and family, but we hate the consumerism of the whole deal. We hate the way that Christmas is so much about the presents and so little about the things that should really matter.

The funny thing is, we aren't even religious. I'd say we border on the least religious among our families and, yet, throughout the month of December, I feel like getting out my soapbox and asking the people around us the ever-important question: What Would Jesus Do? I don't read the Bible. I don't go to church. Honestly, I am not exactly sure what Jesus would do, but I'll bet he wouldn't be using his Amex down at Bath and Body Works.

Two years ago, Will and I donated half of our Christmas budget to Heifer, an organization that provides animals to people in poverty around the world. With the other half of the budget, we bought regular, run of the mill presents--mittens, perfume, coffee mugs. Last year, we bought everyone a book and donated the rest of the money to Reading is Fundamental, a charity that delivers books and literacy resources to poor families.

This year, as you all know because I complain about it incessantly, I am a student. Which means I am poor. So, this year it will have to be one or the other--the donation to charity or the regular old gifts.

It seems an easy choice. What would Jesus do? He'd donate the money to charity. But there are some people in my family--people who I love--who would rather get a $20 gift than have a donation made in their name to help somebody in need. I know this because they say so. I know this because for years--this year included--I have suggested that we all just do something nice for somebody else and they have rejected this idea in favor of presents under the tree. These people I refer to, they aren't the people who read this blog, although at this very moment, I kinda wish they did. Because, seriously? That makes no sense. We are talking about a bunch of $20 gifts that, when added up, could make a real difference in somebody's life. But these people? They want that Cherry Blossom Body Mist! They want the matching Old Navy fleeces! I've got two dozen extended family members to buy gifts for and I need your help.

As far as I can tell, I have three options, unless y'all can come up with something better. The options are:

a) Gifts
b) Charity
c) Convert to Judaism

Bloggers, I know y'all are bursting with great ideas and opinions. What do you think? Learn the dreidel song? Buy everyone a copy of Giving? Maybe you know of a gift that is also charitable. Bonus points if you can think of something thematic, charitable, and gifty that everyone on my list will enjoy and that I will feel at least semi-good about paying interest on for the next three months.

(And, no, I will not be making any handmade gifts. I know that is what you are thinking--handmade gifts are the answer, right? The thing is, I have finals until December 21 so crafting is absolutely out of the question. I can't drop my contracts reading to knit 25 darling caps--although, trust me, I wish I could.)

Or, maybe I should just buy two cases of wine? One for the family, one for me.

Comments

[Hope]

Darn, no crafts! Because, that's what we do every year and I was going to suggest it. Well, that's what I do every year. I just sign Kristian's name on the card. :p

Can your family do secret santas? That's what we do and it works out pretty well. Forty dollar limit, not too much money. And, everybody gets to open something.

I like charitable donations, but I do also like getting presents. I don't think that there's anything wrong with that.

[Amanda]

I like the Charity idea instead of gifts. Christmas should be about helping everyone out, especially those in need. Yet, Christmas has turned into a corporate scan and expression of caring has turned into giving gifts. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is homemade gifts are much better and giving to charity is awesome. I love what you guys did last year.

[Antonio]

You know, we all have may more than we need, way more then we should possibly ask for (seriously, living in this tiny space has made us really ask ourselves how much crap we really need, and with so limited a space, we really do not need much!). I am all for charity, so give it up to them!

F**k the corporate world beeotch!

[Slice of Pink]

I like gifts, too...and I do like exchanging with our immediate families. I am mainly referring to our large extended families. We spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars on dozens of $10 or $20 gifts. Instead of getting a few of these small gifts--which I DO love, don't get me wrong--it seems like the money could make a real difference to somebody in need. I'd give up a few small gifts so that we could give a needy family a Christmas of their own. You know what I mean?

[benji Coleman-Levy]

option 3! Chanukah is much better, it's like Christmas without all the stress. Want to donate money to charity in my name? No problem, usually we only get socks for Chanukah anyway, plus the movie theatres and chinese restaurants are usually empty on December 25th

[Heidi]

Your family should draw names. You and Will will than only have to shop for two people and than donate the rest or volunteer (you know all the "extra time" you have left over) at a shelter or animal hospital...

[Nicole]

Here ya go.
Buy a box of Holiday Cards. $10
Get Pic of you/will/cat. .20x4= $4

Put the pic in the card
and right a nice message
about a local jewish charity
that we could all volunteer at!

Tadah!!!!
We all win in some way then!!!

[Stephanie]

I like Heidi's drawing names idea. If your family is really into Christmas and gift-giving, then you're really pleasing everyone. Everyone gets one gift and the rest of the money goes to charity.

[Malia]

What about gifting some sort of pretty tree, that way you are giving back to the earth at the same time.

Malia

[Chris Cactus]

Heifer is awesome. Excellent charity. I agree- Christmas is too much about the gifts. But that's our consumer culture.

[Sijbrich]

I love Heifer, too. I just learned about it last year and we are definitely making it a tradition to donate to them every year. Last night I was just reading this article about Project Red - the one Bono started where they produce things the consumers like and then donate a ton of the proceeds to AIDS relief in Africa. Check it out: http://www.joinred.com/products/
I hope this helps! I so empathize for you - it just seems so silly that people would want some trivial $20 gift that they will forget about in a few weeks instead of helping someone enrich their lives (for goodness sake), which would be more memorable in my view, and more likely to give them that fuzzy feeling that we associate with the Christmas season.

[Sarah]

I am not sure about the answer to the gifts thing, but there is a charity that I will donate to as soon as I am done being a student. Room to Read. The guy wrote a book too, Leaving Microsoft to Change the World. It was a really great book!

[RA]

What about gifts that are socially conscious in general? I have done zero research on the topic because all of my family's "needs" can be met via Amazon, but a quick Google of "fair trade gifts" turns up some viable vendors. Or maybe there are organizations who sell items whose proceeds eventually go to benefit others. Would that work? I will do some digging and get back to you...

[Jill]

"I am not exactly sure what Jesus would do, but I'll bet he wouldn't be using his Amex down at Bath and Body Works." That is a great quote.

You could give subscriptions to Good Magazine (which is a pretty darn cool magazine) AND your subscription fee is donated to one of ten or so charities -- you choose which one. I'm not sure how they make this work, but I like it.

http://www.goodmagazine.com/

[Jill]

"I am not exactly sure what Jesus would do, but I'll bet he wouldn't be using his Amex down at Bath and Body Works." That is a great quote.

You could give subscriptions to Good Magazine (which is a pretty darn cool magazine) AND your subscription fee is donated to one of ten or so charities -- you choose which one. I'm not sure how they make this work, but I like it.

http://www.goodmagazine.com/

[Jill]

Whoops. I don't know how that got posted twice. Sorry!

[Karen]

I agree with RA's comment. What about buying something (small) for everyone, where the proceeds go to something worth while?

Even if you can't make things yourself, what about buying stuff made by other people? Etsy.com has a ton of things that are handmade and affordable, and you can feel good about supporting artists and crafters.

Or, buy gifts from organizations themselves, like UNICEF or others, so you can feel like you're contributing to them, while still getting your family the "stuff" that they want.

[touch of red]

I think that you should donate to a charity or a family that is in need. You can get information on a family at the Salvation Army or some local church (that you don't attend) and I would like to send a donation for this project to you to help out. I personally don't care about gifts either, I would rather have a picture or homemade gift or just have my family home for the holiday and spend time talking and visiting and eating food of course. So, you can take me off the Christmas list and add me to the donation list.

[Rachel]

You could do online shopping at a site that donates to charity, like Mixed Market. http://www.mixedmarket.com/index.php

[touch of red]

Oh, what if we all commit to one act of charity and then at Christmas we can tell our story. How it affected the people we touched and how we feel about ourselves for doing so.

[chronicler]

I applaud your post! If only everyone could think like us. Alas, they don't and they're related to you so what can you do you ask? You have a known reputation for supporting places like heifer int'l and reading is fundamental. So why not support another area of the arts? Buy handmade goods from handmade artists. This way you are helping (more than likely) the neighborhood you live in, and giving a gift. Charitable giving does not always have to have a large corporate name attached to it. Making a difference in anyone's life, especially a starving artist helps not only them but the community around them. (i'd love to put in a link to my site but that would be self serving) Go here and see all the places you can support an artist!

[Kori]

I love Heifer. We like to do the flock of chicks or the group of honeybees. My dream would be to be able to give the "Ark" with the two pairs of every animal.

You know Heifer will allow to donate in someone's name and then give you a card that you can give to the person.

I say screw the Old Navy fleeces--go for the trio of rabbits.

[Lola]

Hmmm. The wine idea is intriguing. I'm buying a couple of cases of inexpensive (NEVER cheap) wine and wrapping them in bottle corsets that read Merry Christmas from the House of XXXXX (last name). A donation has been made in your name to blah, blah, blah.

So they get a token gift, which is personal and so cool it seems completely thoughtful. I can send snaps of the corsets if you'd like!

[Pink Chihuahua Princess]

Convert, girl!

Good luck on finals.

[Karen]

If you can find gifts that also double as giving to charity, I think that's a great idea. Do you know of many places that do that?

The only one I know of is something my mom found that donates money back to Komen for breast cancer research (which means it's pink!). It's a Garth Brooks CD set for $15 that gives $10 back and of that $10, $5 stays in your community. I think that's a neat idea if you know someone who likes country music and all. www.komen.org/garth

[Merlot Chic]

Tough one.. The case of wine is great and it would be my choice. However, for those not ok with it, I would just lump the families together and get gift cards to restaurants. If you want to do individual gifts, check out your Sunday paper for sale items, then get them something. IT should be the THOUGHT that counts...

[Katie]

A lot of the animal rescue sites will give you a plush animal of whichever animal you sponsor...i.e. a wolf for a wolf rescue foundtation, a dolphin, etc... Not that adults want plush animals, but at least they would still have a gift in hand with the donation! :)

[Jesser]

Ahhh... I know this issue so well. I could write you a novel if you cared to read it, but you're like my sis, a busy JD to be, so I won't bother. I'll bottomline it for you: screw the family, give to the poor people. Or, if you really feel compelled to give a gift (to ease up familial tensions, etc.), give an inexpensive themed ornament with the donation (i.e. a cow ornament if you give to Heifer), etc. That's what we've done in the past.

[Tashya Dennis]

I know these sounds weird but we only give gifts to the people we actually spend time with on Christmas Day and then everyone else gets cards. This should free up money for a charity.

[Marriage-101]

There should be more gifts that give a large percentage back to an organization. Maybe some of your fave charities have gifts you can buy from them on their web sites? No?

BTW, I bought the Giving book. I haven't read more than the intro yet, but already I love it.

[Gillian]

You could buy gifts for your family, but ask them to not buy gifts for you, but rather to make a donation to a charity in your name.

[janet]

I vote for giving a flock of chicks. I bet you could find some cute baby chick cards to go along with them.

I also hate spending $ on useless gifts, unlike most of my family members.

[Courtney]

Hi Slice of Pink,
I'm not sure I've ever commented on your blog, but I read it often. I had to comment on this post because I've decided to donate this year instead of buying gifts. In fact, my entire family has decided to forgo the gift giving and make one large donation to my friend Russ. He was diagnosed with a rare cancer back in 2002/2003 and has been through a series of 25 surgeries including the amputation of his arm. Hi is engaged to be married and they both live with his parents to make ends meet. Needless to say, the medical bills are out of control and since Russ can't work (chemo), they are really restricted. It breaks my heart that they are such wonderful people and have to endure this. I'm glad we're fortunate enough to be able to help. If you want to donate to his cause definately let me know. I can even link you to his patient page so you know this is a legit cause.

Happy Holiday's and I hope you find something worthwhile to donate/buy.

[Beth]

You could get everyone envirosax
( http://www.envirosax.com/ ) That way they get a gift, but you are also helping out the environment by not using grocery bags...so it's like a donation to our planet :-P

A few people on my holiday lists are getting them this year!

[brooke]

How about telling your family to take the money they'd planned on spending on you and donate it to Heifer - or to give you cash and you can put it all together to donate one big lump sum. That way, they get their little gifts from you and you still have that good feeling of donating. :) Or take the gifts they give you and donate them to a women's shelter.

[Bruce Small]

Last year we agreed on no gifts - the grandkiddos and elderly mother-in-law were the only exceptions. Instead, we gave to animal charities, and we asked everyone to give to their local animal charity. My daughter in Oklahoma and her kids made up a care package for their animal shelter, and she took the kids with her so they would know how they were helping.

The result was...everyone agreed it was the nicest Christmas in years. It removed all of the pressure of selecting gifts and brought us a lot closer to the real meaning of Christmas.

Lest you wonder, people in need were not left out. We also cut checks to the Salvation Army and the Gospel Rescue Mission. Gave us the warm fuzzies to do so.

[lso]

You can purchase your gifts at World of Good. Nice, hand-crafted presents that are reasonably priced. Their necklaces are beautiful.

http://worldofgood.com

[Jen From the Block]

We're in the same boat. We're the only people in our family not religious and not that into the holiday gift-giving requirements. Every year we ask for charitable donations instead of gifts, every year we get shot down because my mother in law just has to get me some holiday towels...
I say buy for immediate family (set strict price limit) and send out holiday cards to everyone else. Donate whatever is left to charity. It's your family, your holiday, your tradition - I don't think you and Will should have to give that up for body lotion.

[Laurie]

Excellent post...I have a lot to say but don't have time to tonight..I'll be back on Friday to say more.

What I will say right now is I'm of the same mind on the subject...but my family would not want to skip the giving of presents.
Also a note on the giving to charity these days..I saw a news piece on a CEO of several charity projects paying himself a very large percentage of the gifts of charity. Basically he made himself a millionaire. Be very careful of your choice of charities and determine how much of your contribution actually goes to the cause you choose.

[SCM]

Clearly charity is the best choice. But give a gift too. Just be resourceful.

Here is what I would suggest.

1) Organize a list of these people in you extended family with names and addresses.

2) Send them each a card and a note saying you have developed a program to teach them the spirit of Christmas. Also indicate that you have donated their gift to a charity in their honour.

3) Send a copy of Giving to the first person on the list with instructions to read it and forward it to the next person.

4) You can also have them post a entry here once they have read Giving, indicating what they are going to do to:
* Give more time
* Give more things
* Give more skills
* Give "gifts of reconciliation and new beginnings"
* Give gifts that keep on giving * Give to good ideas

In the end you have given to charity, given a gift and with any luck made an impact.

You're the best!

[Jill]

Ten Thousand Villages is also a great place to shop -- everything's handmade, and the people who actually make the items get most of the money. I think it was started by Mennonites and most of the people who work in the physical shop near me are volunteers. But they have an online shop, too: http://www.tenthousandvillages.com/

[PerfectlyPlumpPreppy]

The idea of giving to charity seems the best. I do understand what you mean about people who prefer gifts. In that case the case of wine is seriously the best way to go.

My immediate family and I do not buy gifts for one another really. We buy lots of stupid little stuff for stockings (funny toothbrushes, barettes, lip gloss). My sisters and I are in our 20's. We no longer require Christmas gifts. Now our family adopts a local family through a charitable organization and buy them all the things they need/want. We feel much more rewarded knowing a little boy has winter boots and new blankets for his bed. Who needs a body spray when you can help a family who needs it?

[Nicole]

I like SCM's idea about passing the book forward.

It will have a pay it forward
type of feeling and it is an
excellent story!

Nobody in this family
would be angry over not
getting presents
and if they were,
then there not "real" family.

[elysa]

I say $1 lotto tickets to everyone and the rest to charity and who knows someone may win. That's what I am thinking of doing.

[class-factotum]

Isn't the point of giving a gift to make the recipient happy? Yes, the giver should give with a joyous heart and it should also make the giver happy, but isn't the main thing to give something the recipient would like rather than impose your own taste on her?

I get frustrated when companies in which I am a shareholder donate to charity. That is not the function of a corporation. The function of the corporation is to make money for its shareholders. Return the profits to me and if I want to donate to charity, I will. But don't donate to charity in my name -- that's not the corporation's role.

I know that the relationship between gift giver and recipient is not the same as the one between corporation and shareholder, but perhaps the same principle applies -- if the person who receives your gift wants to donate to charity, she will do so on her own. After all, alms-giving should be done with a joyous and willing heart, too.

[ElleBee]

There are some amazingly wonderful ideas here. I don't think, however, that you should discount the wine idea. Especially the case for yourself....Good Luck! :)

[Stacey]

Hey Janet,

I second the idea of Etsy.com. I have bought a number of gifts off of that site, all handmade and all beautiful. I have found some wonderful totebags, wristlets and jewelry. I even commissed three coordinating rings for my sister, sister-in-law and me for Christmas last year, and the artist who made them was wonderful to work with. With Etsy you are supporting an artist and have something unique to give instead of something from a chain store.

[Sam]

If you're going to give a gift, it really is about the recipient, not the gift-giver... do it for their benefit, not yours.

If you're going to do something charitable, don't be upset that others don't do more, just do all you can do and be a silent example.

You're right, Christmas is about something other than gifts and shopping and stuff like that, but it's also about something other than giving to charities and those things as well. It's about the birth of Christ...nothing more, nothing less.

[s'mee]

I am late in reading and thus late in posting a comment. I also haven't read through all the (so 48) comments, please forgive if this has already been suggested.

Some people are hard to convince. I would go ahead and buy them their preferred gift, but ask that they do the same in return; meaning ask them to donate to Heifer in your name, or any other charity that you would approve of. Not a perfect solution, but both parties would be happier than otherwise.

[melissa]

i think that chanukkah is, probably, just as financially stressful. i have 5 kids to buy gifts for. even if i set a budget of, say, $100/kid...that's $500! oy vey!
but...i just read someones comment about chinese restaurants being open on christmas...that's how us jewish folk, take care of christmas! movies and chinese food!
i like that idea of giving animals to poor people. that sounds like an amazing thing!