Drug Pushing

When you have your wisdom teeth out, you will be prescribed a variety of pills: penicillin to fight infection, ibuprofen for the pain, and hydrocodone bitartrate (Vicodin) if the ibuprofen is not strong enough. This results in the taking of 10 pills per day for several days following the procedure. You can complete this task one of two ways:

1. You can swallow the pills like a normal human being.

2. You can go through a complex process to take each pill because you are a big baby and cannot swallow anything larger than an Advil. On a good day.

I go with option 2.

Open pill bottle (1) and remove pill. Using pill cutter (2), cut the pill into small fragments and place small fragments into garlic press (3). Crush pills with garlic press into small dish (4). The pill should now be a fine powder. If not, reinsert large pill shards into press and re-crush. Two spoons (5) are required for the following portion of the task. Spoon a small amount of pudding (6) with larger spoon. Create a small mashed-potato-style well into the pudding. Use the smaller spoon to sprinkle powdered drug into well on spoonful of pudding. Add more pudding on top of the powdered drug, thus sandwiching drug between two layers of pudding snack. Swallow. Repeat until all drug is consumed. Clean up mess--this will cause a mess--with a paper towel (7).

Comments

[Maribeth]

I want to see the chipmonk cheeks! I know you have them, at least a little. Come on...enquiring minds want to see!

[kathryn]

thats just weird.

[Alexandrialeigh]

Uh, wow. Janet, you are one dedicated pill-popper.

I used to have trouble swallowing pills, too. Have no idea how I got over that one, but I think it involved my mom buying me a lot of M&Ms to "practice" with.

[Wende]

Wait... you're mixing vicodin with jello? Gives new meaning to jello shots. :) (yeah, yeah, I know it's pudding in your case, but maybe it should be jello, huh?)

[TJ]

Are you OCD?

[JavaCurls]

You definitely make taking pills interesting! LOL!! Hope you're feeling better soon!

[Jen]

Oh, that sucks! But here's the good thing about getting your wisdom teeth out. Two words: Chocolate milkshakes.

[lissa]

I knew I liked you for a reason! I am the SAME WAY! I can't swallow a pill to save my life. I have been laughed at by friends who think my ritual (pill crushing) is oh so funny. Do you get all sorts of hints from friends and you have to yell at them that doesn't work for me! Or questions that are just stupid like, how do you swallow food? I glare at them and sometimes I give them the finger. I'm nice that way.

[Meepers]

Ugh... wisdom teeth - actually DO NOT suck anything out of a straw because: Dry sockets! I hear they suck. I got mine out shortly after we got engaged, so Scott picked me up and took care of me (v. sweet). Hopefully you've got a good nurse or two and the Vicoden shots go down like....puddin'.

Take care!

[Pink Chihuahua Princess]

Whoa. This sure does sound like a lot of work. Things will be better in no time. Promise!

[ally bean]

love this. so true. so funny.

[meegan]

my fiance is the same way with pills whereas i can swallow three horse pills at once. i giggle at him when he can manage to force down one advil without gagging and coughing it back up.

[Zandria]

Oh, my gosh! No way! You are so silly. :) How in the world did you ever come up with this method? (Whatever works, right?)

[Jennifer]

It's about time you got your own Vicodin. And as for your method of getting it in your system. OMG!! I can swallow about 4 pills all at once. I can't imagine having to create such a regimen to swallow a pill, how hilarious!