It seems that there has been an up rise in the general stupidity of people in my life. On a daily basis these last couple weeks, I have had the urge to slam my palm into my forehead and let out an astonished groan at the idiocy that is surrounding me. On several occasions in the past week, I actually have slammed my right palm into my forehead while I raised my left hand to the sky in the universal gesture for “what the fuck were you thinking?”
Some of the more idiotic moments have occurred at school with my students, which should not come as a total shocker, them being teenagers and all, but the moments have been especially ludicrous in the last several weeks.
Let’s consider the following situations:
1.) Mrs. Wallace’s student, John, has six absences. After five absences John will not get credit for Mrs. Wallace’s class. John wants credit so he informs Mrs. Wallace that a substitute teacher incorrectly marked him absent. The reason, John explains, is that the sub did not call out names verbally but took attendance using the seating chart. John says he was sitting in the wrong seat that day. Because he was in the wrong seat and because the sub took roll using the seating chart, it follows that John was incorrectly marked absent. Right? EXCEPT MRS. WALLACE HAS NO SEATING CHART, YO. (Slams head repeatedly on desk.)
2.) Mrs. Wallace’s student steals a data projector. Half of the student body knows about stolen projector. Mrs. Wallace devises plan in which students sit silently and read advanced, college-level texts on tone control techniques, which will be followed by equally advanced, college-level examinations worth large percentages of their grades. Mrs. Wallace spreads word about impending plan. Before plan even takes effect, other students snitch. Data projector is returned. Thief student wants to if everything’s cool since the projector arrived back. (Slam, slam, slam.)
Oh! And it’s not just the kids. It’s adults, too:
3.) On my drive home today I was listening to the radio when the DJ announced the next song as “the soon-to-be most requested wedding song ever, You’re Beautiful by James Blunt.” Damn it, that’s totally what I wanted at MY wedding: a song about unrequited love that ends with the line “I will never be with you” because the woman in the song IS WITH ANOTHER MAN. If only that song were out in 2003 and I were a total moron. (Slams head into steering wheel.)
4.) Have I mentioned the lady at CSUB, who still did not find my transcripts, exasperatedly decided that fine, I would be enrolled in 30 minutes? Without transcripts. Which, alrighty then, why couldn't THAT have happened three weeks ago?
Somebody get me some Excedrin.