Operation Sparkle

Yesterday my mom looked in my microwave and dramatically exclaimed, “Oh, Janet, you cannot live like this.”

I can’t understand how somebody can get so melodramatic over a little splattered barbeque sauce, but it must have really disturbed her because she showed up today with a mop, some rags, and a big bottle of Pine-Sol and set to work like some Army General running a Spic and Span Boot Camp.

She made me clean. She made me scrub. She made me wash and fold and vacuum. She made me move furniture so I could vacuum under it.

Y’all, she made me put my hand in the toilet.

This was cleaning that was so serious that I did not wear my new polka dotted apron because it would have totally gotten dirty.

As I was folding (Keep folding! Keep folding!), my mom was cleaning behind my bedside table where she found a drinking straw that was the vestige of some beverage that I was probably drinking while reading in bed (I drink absolutely everything with a straw).

She held up the straw and inquired, “Are you using cocaine?”

Funny, she was way more dramatic about the dirty microwave than the cocaine.

Comments

[mr.honeydew]

You have got to be kidding me. You actually let your mother come in and *make* you clean your own house?! That would be about enough to make me start using cocaine... Newsflash: she has her *own* house to clean. Tell her to stick with that. It's really none of my business (not as if that's stopped me from commenting before), but you can live however you please. You're a grown-up with your very own home, husband, degree (with honors!), AND you've worked in the friggin' Whitehouse!!! Jehosephat!

You do NOT, however, have a pink Dr. Grip writing pen... ;^)

[Janet]

Ha ha! She actually called first and asked if I wanted her to come over and help. I said sure, why not, figuring it would get the chores done in half the time and then I could go shopping at Target guilt free, which we totally did. Although by then I was all hopped up and motivated to keep clean (Yay! Clean!) that all I ended up buying was a bunch of cleaning supplies.

Oh, and Target did not have the pink pen in the gel model. Soon enough, soon enough....

[Nora]

OMG! I drink everything with a straw too! How eery!! Don't you feel better now that you did the serious cleaning though?

[rachael]

OMG! This is why the move to the new house is so scary... my mom will SO be doing the same thing.

When JLo was born, four weeks early, we sort of left the house in an um, *mess.* After JLo was out and clean and beautiful, Jim asked what he could do for me, since he lovedmesomuchandwassoproudofme...

"Go home and clean the house before my mother shows up."

Love You Too, Honey.

Rachael

[mom]

Who is Mr Honeydew anyway? Moms are forever!

[NCTRNL]

Good lord, that sounds like my mom. You should have told her that if you were on cocaine...you'd probably be more helpful...

[Dooneybug]

What is it with mothers and microwaves? Mine has done the same thing. I've come downstairs to find half her body inside my completely destructed microwave, scrubbing furiously.

They should totally make self-cleaning microwaves like the self-cleaning ovens!

[Johnny]

Your mom sounds like my mom. I gotta bookmark this to check for common insanity.

I once "busted a hump" cleaning up my first house for the official First Mom Visit. She arrived, looked around, and then sniffed, "Well, you could have picked up around here before we showed up."

Dagger in the heart, Ma.

[Dawn]

Well, after seeing the dirty microwave, she probably wasn't all that surprised by the cocaine straw. After all, every good mom knows that a diry microwave is a clear sign of heavy drug usage.

[Nicole]

I was totally grounded by my mom last week when she found my cocaine straw behind my bed. JK, but my mom is kinda insane and would probably jump to some ludacris accusation, if a straw was found behind my bed aswell. I'm there for you sista!
luv ya,
Nicole